I Wish I Could Give You This Feeling

Beautiful

2011-11-20T18:33:00.001-05:00

So I've had my dating woes and just when you stop looking... there she is.. I met this girl a while ago.. and somehow everything aligned and we've had some great dates and some fun together... some good conversation and some sweet texts... She's out of town and I miss her.. She'll be back and I can't wait to see her.. and she brought me cupcakes. and one was carrot cake... and she just makes me feel like everything is alright.. no stress, no worries, no nothing... just fun. :)

So I wont say too much but goodness.. when you stop looking.. there it is. :-)

...

2011-11-04T21:07:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone.. I don't mean communicate. I mean talk. I literally don't want to open my mouth and have to say words. It's the weirdest thing.. we can text, gchat, email, facebook.. tweet.. hell write notes back and forth.. but I just dont have the energy to talk to you or listen... maybe my auditory system is just in overload and needs a break... anyone else ever feel this way?

Dating Woes

2011-10-30T14:41:00.001-05:00

Ha... This has been the past 3 weeks. And yes Ms. Smith. I am done complaining about being single. Here are some notable moments...

1. "I have to push it back, I forgot Dell was coming over to fix my labtop."

2. " I guess I should put on some deodorant.. I usually don't wear it because it clogs my pores."

3. While dressed in footie pajamas with a teddy bear at a Halloween party at a club... "I'm dressed as my inner child."

4. We order the same thing..the bill is 14.69.... I place down my card.. you give me 7 dollars.

5. Halloween party invite.."We will provide the food.. Bring a case, bring a bottle ect. Do not come empty handed."

6. Me: "What are your thoughts on Occupy Atlanta." You: "Never heard of it."

7. "You can't disappear when I need your help with my Algebra class. It's the last class I have to take to finish my associates degree."

8. "I'm fighting the urge to be a hoarder. I have to force myself to throw things away."

ICK!

2011-10-10T22:07:00.002-05:00

This picture is so disturbing to me... there is nothing sweet or endearing or beautiful about this to me... I feel bad.. but I think of piglets from a litter...ick

First Date

2011-10-07T09:10:00.000-05:00

I went on a date with a girl who is super cute and super smart and super all around. We drank, we ate, we talked... we gossiped and we laughed... it was great.. I havent been on a date in a long time... and it was refreshing to have SUCH a good time :-) And I'm going to see her again on Saturday :-)

Long Term

2011-09-18T16:05:00.001-05:00

I gotta keep my focus on the long term goals. I get caught up in spur of the moment shit and then miss the fact that is fucking up my long term shit. I just gotta get it together. I gotta focus on what I want next week, not the next minute....And being careless and fancy free has it's place, but I gotta make some different choices so that I am not saddled with the annoyance of knowing I could prevent the bs had I made different choices. Keeping focused on my long term goals will always benefit me more than any short term fun. It'll help me focus on my priorities and get where I want to be. :-)

First (and last) time for everything

2011-09-05T20:48:00.000-05:00

FROM THE CRATES: 10/10/08...

On Friday, a friend was in town and she called me to get together. Where are we going? I thought.. ATL has some of the finest clubs in the country, surely we will be hitting up some hot shit. Apparently, not.. I was accompanying her to a trip to Follies, on Buford Highway. Follies? Hmmm. Yes, it was a strip club. So, because she is my homie from way back, before I had degrees and shit, I am definitely going to go. I'd prolly go anywhere to kick it with her, and a strip club could prove interesting.

As I'm getting dressed, I'm thinking of what to wear, and I end up throwing on a t-shirt and jeans cause I mean.. like anyone will be looking at me anyway. On the ride over, I'm thinking about all of the TV footage I've seen of strip clubs, from music videos to movies, and all I can think is it might not be so bad to see some chics with bad ass bodies, taking off their little costumes and swinging up and down poles. This might be titillating to say the least.

When I arrive, there is a valet (wtf). Why does Atlanta have to make everything a damn cottage industry? I can park my own f-in car. I have a license. But whatever.. So I pull up and he says.. "Uh, you got a male escort? Cause I doubt they gone let you in if you aint got a male escort." How sexist is that? Like I couldn't of my own volition want to see some sexy ladies? Whatever. I tell him I got a friend inside, he commands me to call him if I want any chance to get in. So I call my homie, she comes out with one of the male friends that dragged her there.. and I get into the club.

I walk through the doors, and immediately think I must have walked in on the set of a BET Uncut video. I mean its just naked and half naked chics everywhere.. Nothing is sexy, nothing titillating, nothing I wanted anywhere near me. Ever. Immediately I understood why I couldn't come in with an escort... I might be an escort trying to take some of the change away from these ladies... Everywhere I look someone has a neon or flourescent costume moved up or down, depending on what the guy was paying to see. There was a huge runway in the middle of the club with three poles on each side and the women there were not in anyway athletic or performers.. It was just ass and titties shaking and bouncing in the face of whatever man had the money.. Maybe the saddest part was that there were so few men there who were offering dollars... so it just seemed...depressing

As my friend and I sat at the bar catching up, we tried our best to not show any judgment in our eyes.. not to look shocked or surprised at the lap dances, half nakedness or obscene booty shaking around us. "Just look like you are enjoying the show." It's hard not to look at someone with sorrow, when they are trying to make money and no one is paying.. its like being at an open mic, where someone is singing but no one is listening. Just plain embarrassing.

From the Crates

2011-09-05T20:40:00.003-05:00

OMG... the black type was in the blog drafts from 2009... Let me just be glad I am not this person anymore.

My mom told me don't give too much of yourself or you will be taken for granted. Hold something back so that you don't give it all away. I don't know a gray area where just a little can show, while the rest is hidden away. I don't know a place where only a bit of my vulnerability will show. I wish I knew how. I wish I didn't want to fall so deep into a safety net and I could carry myself. I wish I wasn't so afraid to brave the inner parts of my soul so much that I needed someone else. I wish I could bust the windows out of the car and walk away with anger and rage. Instead, I sit thinking of the shame. The little part of me that wants so much to make things right, but i know doing so would make me lose myself. I know that it's all about me because I have the pain so deep that I looked to you to heal. I wish I was able to face those demons earlier, because maybe... no there are no more what ifs. It's over and it's done. The doors and windows are closed. I don't think I could live with me allowing you to treat me the way you did. When I thought I was a priority, I wasn't. But I can be my priority. I will be my priority and keep on moving. Keep on being me, fully and without any shame. I wish there was somewhere else I could place the blame. Because I want to keep on loving you...but our definition of love is two different things. i'll accept that it's over, and let you off the hook. I wish I was writing shiny new pages, instead of being forced to close another chapter in this book.

Actually, I am soooo glad I closed that damn book and donated to the goodwill, so someone else could give it a good home... I'm so grateful for the lesson I learned and for the person I was able to become being just who I am.. I am soooooo glad that I got to be me cause I am sooo awesome and would never have been able to do that with your judgment and condemnation and your dishonesty.. So thank you.. and thank you too :-) Cause I'm feeling great... and you weren't that great in bed anyway :-)

Things that Should have Died by Now...

2011-09-05T20:36:00.000-05:00

There are several fads that should have died by now... but, somehow, they still manage to be a part of our daily lives. They creep up on us when we are unsuspecting.. as we go through the minutia of our daily business. Like a flash of light, a thunderbolt in the sky, the remind us how no matter how hard we try to fight it... we cannot escape the bigness of popularity.

1. Cornrows on grown ass men:

2. Way too personal facebook/gchat/social media statuses

Real Example: Listen M'FER INTERNET CHEATING IS STILL CHEATING!!!!!!

Really? do we really need to know your husband is cheating on you with some broad from the internet.. and that he's disputing that it's really cheating, cause his sex text (fb messages) weren't really that serious?? I mean C'MON... Save yourself the embarrassment and keep your pride... We aren't interested... and I'm just laughing at you and then Hiding you cause I dont need that kinda drama in my life!

Curiosity killed the cat..

2011-09-05T20:30:00.000-05:00

My natural curiosity leads me to wonder why most things are the way they are, from the flowers blooming to how hurricanes form, to whether animals get as lazy during rain as most humans do.

I also ask Why a lot when it comes to people acting the way they do... as if the Why will change the I'm pissed portion..

Well I'm done with that... I am going to control my brain to no longer entertain questions of why... Why was she funny acting? Why doesn't she speak? Why can't she be courteous and call? Why is she such a bitch? Why does she say one thing and do another?

Why? Why? Why? That question is dead to me.. The next question is... What am I gonna do about it? If the answer is nothing.. keep it moving.. on the next one... if its something.. then make that happen.. but the why is foolywang.. and I'm over it!

29 part 1

2011-09-05T20:11:00.001-05:00

I had to thank my mom the other day for having insanity be something that was foreign to me as a kid. Growing up my mom said what she meant and meant what she said. If we were going to leave at 7 it was 7. If I was on punishment for 3 weeks.. no less than 21 days would I suffer. It was an unfortunate reality in some ways.. cause I meant that unlike the kids on TV, or in the desks next to me at school, I was never going to be let off any hook.

But it also meant that my birthday parties always happened, I got new shoes and clothes as scheduled and I was rarely left to know that disappointment was a reality... It makes sense that as an adult the one emotion I have struggled with the most has been disappointment... Well I finally found the cure for it...

Cussing bitches out...

I have decided that in, this, my 29th year, I am going to just go off on hoes... If you do me wrong.. you'll hear it clearly and you'll know.

I'ma just let you know how trifling I think you are, how stank your attitude is...and how wack you are so that we can then just keep it moving... either you'll be with me or not

If you dont wanna make the proper adjustments then roll out.. I got 99 problems and a friend aint gonna be one.. I'll take drama from my girl, i'll even deal with that shit from my mama, or my family... but somebody else? hell to the naw..

In the words of Martin.. Get to steppin!

I dont want to blog this

2011-08-28T11:13:00.000-05:00

cause I dont want to share this.. and this is a moment when I wish this space on the web was anonymous and private... but i know its not.

i stopped taking my happy pills and the intensity of my thoughts has returned. Im not sure if this is good or bad. I find myself wanting to have long intimate conversations. It's like an attic or a basement has been reopened in my psyche and some of the things that have returned to me are treasures and i treasured them... and then there are cobwebs and some junk that needs to be thrown away...

So, do i keep the attic open or close the door and return to a balanced state..

im not sure. im certainly not sure.

I feel like a terrible person.. but I have to get this out.

2011-08-14T17:28:00.000-05:00

The economy sucks and because of this I've taken my hits monetarily... but I am blessed. I have enough to make ends meet and not have to worry that much.. but I can't do all the things I wanna do and save as much as I want to save and do all of that good stuff..

Sooooo when I am at the grocery store behind people with WIC or foodstamps..
When I hear on the radio about programs where people can get a cellphone for free...
When I hear about programs where people can get low cost computers and internet...

It sends me to a dark place.. a dark place that i am not proud of.. that I am trying to stop myself from going to... it makes me feel like a damn republican. and I dont like that at all... But the libraries aren't open on Sunday, I haven;t gotten a cost of living increase in YEARS... I have furlough days.. meanwhile rent is going up, gas is going up.. food goes up... I could use a foodstamp. but I am grateful that these foodstamps are there for the children because it is criminal for them to go hungry...

convoluted yes.. but my emotions and my thoughts about all of this are all over the place... i'm getting them to the right side... i promise.

Skin and Bones

2011-07-31T08:37:00.000-05:00

mmmhmmmmmm sooo everyone is into thick chics with a fat ass and thighs and all that shit... but I must admit.. i'm into that sexy girl with hip bones and a sexy sternum LMAO. a hard stomach mmmmhmmmmm YES! and i had my hands all over one last night.. get it Spidey. get it! :-)

Quote of day:

2011-07-28T23:41:00.002-05:00

"You could be partaking in your demonic influences..having sex with women...."

LMAO

I. LOVE. MY. FRIENDS!

Dizzy Gillespie

2011-07-18T23:13:00.000-05:00

I love this picture. That is all :-) Reminds me of Dizzy Gillespie and how amazing he was and how in awe I was watching him on the cosby show.

Ahhh I love Stephen King!

2011-07-17T16:00:00.001-05:00

Words to Live By

2011-07-15T22:21:00.002-05:00

All you need is already within you, only you must approach yourself with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors…all I plead with you is this: make love of yourself perfect.
— Sri Nisargadatta

Meghan Markle

2011-07-11T23:26:00.000-05:00

She is so super cute.. omg she is on the new show Suits on USA or TBS or TNT or whatever... and she's just soooo cute.

And she went to Northwestern University AND she used to work for the US Embassy in some random country... and yeah.. she's just the bees knees!

dayum

2011-07-05T11:22:00.000-05:00

Im in love with a girl who doesnt want to love me. I mean we're friends and all my friends hate her for how she acts and I want to. I want to hate her... but I love her. So i'm trying to love her and love me and let my actions choose me first. Ive never had to dabble in unrequited love before. It sucks. balls. Here's to me never having to do it again.

Summer Summer Summer Time

2011-06-03T17:09:00.000-05:00

Summertime.. I am all about it. I have done 13 days of p90x. I have kicked it at a couple of clubs.. been to the pool, made some important decisions... now in the next 8 days before i head out of town I got TONS of shit to do.. cause alot of what i've been doing so far is sleeping and watching tv LOL

I'ma do it... i'ma do it... get car done.. get eyes together... Smile big. Make drs appts. meet some new people. Enjoy life. :-)

My summer mantra... I'm doing everything that's fun. believe that!

2 Week Experiment.

2011-05-29T21:09:00.000-05:00

I'm trying something new... i will not discuss it until the experiment is over... updates coming... holla at me in 2 weeks cause I will probably forget... definitely

Bizarro Dreams

2011-05-27T19:16:00.000-05:00

So I had this dream the other day that I was getting married and I was looking around and my father wasn't there and so I went ahead and got married anyway... My mom asked what was wrong and I told her Dad wasnt there and then she said.. oh, I didnt know you had invited him..and I said, yeah I did... She said oh, i'm sorry honey..

Next day, we are having a brunch and he strolls in in a nice summer suit, I must say, with a woman behind him.. I couldn't see her. I noticed that my Dad looked really good.. and he came with all smiles and hugged me.. and I said, where were you yesterday? and he said... Oh, well I figured since I'd see you here, I didnt need to come yesterday.. I'm here now babe.. You look great.

So I slapped him... he said more.. and I slapped the shit out of him again...

then I woke up from the force of the slap.

I mulled over this for a few days.. I'll tell you how I resolved it in the next post...

ahhh, YUP, cliffhanger bitches!!!! Keep my readers coming back ;-)

p90x

2011-05-25T15:35:00.000-05:00

I am on p90x day 3. It's insane!!! but I love it.. my body doesnt hurt as much as i thought it would... and I can already see a difference in my abs.. I've eaten tons of crazy shit in the past two days buuuuut I'm still feeling good..

90 days.. well 87 more days and its on :-)

The Curious Case of Lace Fronts

2011-05-16T20:01:00.000-05:00

Why, why, why, black women, must we wear lacefronts? It does not look nice. It doesnt look beautiful. You look insane. Your fake hair makes you look fake and in more case curiously more insecure than the confidence you have tried to embody withyour hair flowing down to your thighs.

When you decide to get those China Doll bangs like Foxy Brown, ala 1996, you look insane too. When you put the red or blonde in the back you look even more disturbing... and when you pair it with face eyelashes and all kinds of body tattoos... i find you.. hmmm depressing? I can't quite think of the word.

And lastly... why must your daughters succumb the same fate. Why does she need to have 20 lbs of hair on her head... and even worse.. you dont even get her a lace front.. you just put tracks in the back of her head... then as her new growth grows out, you send her to school looking worse and worse each day.. her desperately brushing her mane, hoping that with it, she will grow some self esteem..but sadly, but showing her that her hair isnt good enough.. you taught her she isnt either. So she will add layer upon layer of fake hair, fake color, fake padding and fake attitude... hoping someone will notice her... because she doesnt think she is good enough just as she is..

The thing about lace is that its beauty is often betrayed by its delicacy.. What is beautiful at first glance.. then turns into an intricate pattern of holes... that we can all see through... right to the knotted wooden table, or scarred leg that lies underneath.

Miami

2011-05-15T08:13:00.001-05:00

So this trip to miami has elucidated so many things. My love for the water and the waves and the sand and the sun. How wonderful my friends are. I mean they are so wonderful and amazing that its sickening. That life alwyas works itself out and stress is unnecessary. That love is wonderful and I am blessed to have so many forms of it in my life. Amen.

2011-05-08T17:07:00.000-05:00

Im thinking i'm giving my power away. Now I get to think about how I am gonna take it back :-)

Love

2011-04-30T11:32:00.000-05:00

I'm in love with this girl. It's foolish and full of tomfoolery.. It's funny and fantastic... its fickle and fancifree. For some reason it feels right where I need to be.

It makes me think of:

Love is patient, love is kind.. :-)

:-)

2011-03-27T20:37:00.000-05:00

I went to go ride the bike at the gym today and as I walked I realized its been a year that i have been single. And this year has been the best year of my life. It has reconnected me with who I am and what I want, what I need and some habits that I've desperately needed to rid myself of. I've become more happy, more content, more relaxed and more like the me that I've wanted to be. I've cut my hair off.. I've completed two bootcamps, and Ive made some great friends. I've conquered some fears and cultivated a few more.HA. healthy fears. like the fear and awareness that I can't lose myself in dumbness that doesn't serve me. I've learned to listen to my heart and my gut and dismiss my fear and insecurities cause they are not the same thing. I'm happy with my life. I'm happy with myself. I am just happy. I must say... I thought that I was a relationship person, but I have learned that a relationship can take many different forms. Some of them are healthy than others and those may not seems as attractive has the hot passionate ones we often are attracted to. But over the long haul, eating a tasty fresh salad everyday is gonna make me feel better than a bag of fries. So I'm enjoying the salad. Loving myself enough to do what's right for me. Realizing some of the most painful moments of my life needed to happen to mold me into who I am now, has put alot into perspective for me.. It allows me to take everything in stride and focus on the journey not the bump in the road. A year ago, you couldnt have told me that I wasn't gonna be miserable if... I remember even begging to get back together... womp and womp. That woman was me, but she is no longer who i am.

Summer things to look forward to: Rock Climbing...circus arts... swimming laps... hiking in the mountains... Like Ernee said... We got alot of shit to do this summer... INDEED!!!

Fave feature

2011-02-13T17:51:00.001-05:00

One of my favorite features from my fave magazine Esquire is "out of context excerpt from a letter we aren't going to publish"

And I am going to share a random quote from a convo you don't know about:

What are you? Some kind of lesbian monster?

Hilarious

Girlcation snowday

2011-02-13T17:45:00.001-05:00

So, I've been trying to go on a girlcation but I love women too much. Its harder than giving up candy for lent!!!!! Omg. Soo I got a date this week and one during the weekend. Yes yes yes. And vday tomorrow :-) anyone have any sexy ladies they'd like me to meet? Holla!!!!

Starry Night

2011-02-01T20:48:00.000-05:00

I painted Starry Night by Van Gogh and it's awesome... I am going to play trivia on Thursday.. Thinking of doing something fun on Saturday with my gay boys.. I am just trying to do it all. Do it like i'm doing it for TV.

:-)

love

2011-01-30T17:07:00.000-05:00

To a Stranger
by Walt Whitman

Passing stranger! you do not know 
How longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking, 
Or she I was seeking 
(It comes to me as a dream)

I have somewhere surely 
Lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall'd as we flit by each other,
Fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,

You grew up with me, 
Were a boy with me or a girl with me,
I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become 
not yours only nor left my body mine only,

You give me the pleasure of your eyes,
face, flesh as we pass,
You take of my beard, breast, hands,
in return,

I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you 
when I sit alone or wake at night, alone 
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again

 I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

For Each Ecstatic Instant
by Emily Dickinson

For each ecstatic instant
We must an anguish pay.
In keen and quivering ratio
To the ecstasy.

For each beloved hour
Sharp pittances of years,
Bitter contested farthings\\
And coffers heaped with tears.

Sonnets from the Portuguese, XIV
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
'I love her for her smile--her look--her way
Of speaking gently,--for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love, thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

- Courtney Kuchta -

problem...

2011-01-30T16:41:00.002-05:00

when the only thing we have in common is that we're both really into you...

Okay

2011-01-30T11:01:00.000-05:00

Yo... ive been focusing on the wrong thing and now its time to go back to the right things... sooo I've never done this before.. but I am doing it now.. going on Girl Strike... yeah.. I need a girlcation... They are just taking over too much of my brain space.. and so now i'm going to just focus on me.. working out.. handling business.. and eating right.. and leaving these hussies alone... okay.. I never really messed with hussies before... but ya know.. leaving these women alone.. They gotta go.. out of my brain space and out of my pocket book.. Sure I'll kick it.. sure we can hang out.. but I am officially focusing on my friends and my family and not that other stuff... And as I focus on the right things... I know the right things will come in my life... thank you thank you thank you... :-)

Affirmation: I am focused on those things in my life that bring me happiness and bring comfort and security. I release everything that brings feelings of insecurity, discomfort, or fear. My thoughts will make my life bigger and fuller than ever before. :-)

Snow Day

2011-01-14T16:35:00.000-05:00

I learned a lot about myself through my Snow Week.

1. I could never work from home.
2. I should probably never be a stay at home mom.
3. I kinda dig hanging out with myself cause I'm pretty awesome.

but I think the biggest take away was something that just came to me like a lightbulb moment. I was sitting there and I was thinking... and and the thought popped into my head.. "I want a dad." In a lot of ways I feel like I've never had a dad. I feel like it's a relationship I never got to have. It's hard because when I was a kid I always thought I could patch things up with my dad. I thought we'd get to have some deliverance moment where we could talk and see each other eye to eye. I thought I'd get to be daddy's little girl again, but then in a blink of an eye, your life changes.. and some life changes aren't temporary.. some can't be brought back on track.There are some things that change in a minute but last your whole life time. I'll never get to see my dad again. I'll never get to remember what he sounds like or smells like or looks like.. I'll never have that. And I wish I hadn't taken it for granted. He used to call and I would be so mad... mad that he only called once a week, made that his birthday cards came late. Mad that he would ask me things that I felt like he should know, cause he was my dad and dad's should know where field trips are and what i'm doing. I remember he came to school late to pick me up and i would just be fuming. I was mad. I was sad. I was angry. I was hurt. I was too young to understand and appreciate anything. And there is no one to call and talk to or to explain it to because I can't make a new dad, or find one on the street. so I have to mend that hole in my heart by myself. It also makes me think about having my own child and would I be wrong to have a child when there isn't a dad there to do the same things I am mentioning.

Earth shaking Snow Day today kids. Shrug.

Snow Day Take Away 4: Michael Jackson, the Experience is so much more fun to watch other people play LOL

New Word

2011-01-11T16:06:00.000-05:00

Friendcest:

When one of your friends dates your siblings.... gross.

Illegal in every state where I live.

WOOT WOOT

2011-01-10T00:59:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is a snow day.. I love it.. This is why i started teaching for random days off.. okay that's bs....

but on my snow day I am going to... watch movies, eat a good breakfast... have fun... read.... and text everyone who is awesome.. ;-) I might even call a few of them..

:-) I still llvver her.... she's still the first thing on my mind... but i'm letting it all work itself out... sooo love love llove.

New Years Eve

2010-12-31T01:20:00.000-05:00

Today is New Years Eve.. I am currently battling allergies, respiratory infection and such... but enjoying the day helping my mom is da bomb :-) I am just in love with my mommy dearest and wit the year I have had... I had some downs.. but I've had so many more ups that I can't even be m ad.. i dont even have any resolutions to make.. except for this one..

1. I'm doing everything that's fun!

Everything.. if it's fun.. I;m on it. I am enjoying each day and travelling and not worrying about the dumbness that comes with alot of things in life. I am not sweating the small stuff.. or wondering what it is i need to do... to make this or that happen. I'm just going to live my life... and I'm going to do it for me.. not in the hopes of anything or anyone else... Just for me :-) cause that's the way I roll :-) I love you. I truly do.

expect the unexpected and be open to it. :-)

Have you ever had...

2010-12-23T11:33:00.000-05:00

the Michael Jackson Experience...

If not.. you must try it.. my arms are sore, thighs are tight... but I promise you... have it for a night and you'll keep going back. ..

mmmmhmmmm

I did it.

2010-12-14T20:33:00.000-05:00

I lit a fire in my fireplace and I am slowly crossing off all of the things I am doing before I turn 30. Going to a vineyard on Saturday... and gonna knock some other stuff down in the new year.

I am so glad that my life has taken this turn. :-) It wasn't what I thought I wanted.. but it has forced me to become more me. .:-) It has forced me to do things that I didn't think I could do. I am happy. I have my want in me. Just happiness and love. a love for life and for each moment and each opportunity as it presents itself. :-) I love my life.. it is amazing.

Crazy Courtiers

2010-11-26T19:34:00.001-05:00

So, I've been reading historical fiction lately, which I knew was a gamble because I love love love history and when you start writing about it with a fictional twist, I'm thinking damn I need to google all of this shit so I can see whats true and what's not... so I do alot of googling, but I've caught the vapors with The Other Boleyn Girl and The Constant Princess by Philippa Gregory. I am all into the scandal of the court. I mean when I think about the fact that all your life is lived in a palace and so you are trying to angle your way into the best marriage with the best person, and you can't move and meet some new folks and if the king says so.. it is.. DAYUM. I dont know if I could handle that....

Also. Anne Boleyn was a bitch... I feel like that Kanye verse in Deuces goes straight to her!! She was trippin.. so overwhelmed with power and shit.. that she was a BITCH!!!

I mean seduce a king.. become queen and end up with your head in a basket.. hot damn.. I feel bad for the chic.. but she kinda got what she deserved. oops.

boredom is a bitch

2010-11-19T19:17:00.002-05:00

1. Last beverage: rum and coke

2. Last phone call: ericka

3. Last text message: eric

4. Last song you listened to: Falling to Pieces by Script

5. Last time you cried: in bed two weeks ago

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: yes

7. Been cheated on: yes

8. Kissed someone & regretted it: No.

9. Lost someone special: Yup

10. Been depressed: indeed

11. Been drunk and threw up: Yes.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Purple

13. Blue

14. coral

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend: Yes

16. Fallen out of love: Yes

17. Laughed until you cried: Indeed

18. Met someone who changed you: all time time.. bringing out the best.

19. Found out who your true friends were: Yes

20. Found out someone was talking about you: uhhh, except this isnt 9th grade and i dont give a damn.

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: Yes. a few of them ;-)

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life? 98%

23. How many kids do you want? 2

24. Do you have any pets? nopers, but almost bought a hamster the other day

25. Do you want to change your name? only if it's to hers.

26. What did you do for your last birthday? HS reunion

27. What time did you wake up today? 6:35am

28. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: our date

30. Last time you saw your Mother: last weekend

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: my arm flab.

32. How many times have you made cookies? more than I can count

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? Yes.

34. Who is getting on your nerves now? everyone under 21

35. Most visited webpage: Gmail

36. Whats your real name: If you are reading this you should know.

37. Nicknames: Babe, Karma, Kam, and other stuff.

38. Relationship Status: Single

39. Zodiac sign: Lusty Leo

40. Male or female?: Female

41. Primary School?: was awesome

42. Secondary School?: was awesome

43. High school/college? finished both.

44. Hair color: brown

45. Tall or short: medium

46. Height: 5'4

47. Do you have a crush on someone?: indeed

48: What do you wanna do right now? number 47

49. Piercings: yup

50: Tattoos: 1

51. Righty or lefty: right

FIRSTS:

52. First surgery: Wisdom teeth

53. First piercing: Ears... don't remember how old.

54. First best friend online: my same bff offline

55. First sport you joined: gymnastics

56. First vacation: Baltimore, MD

57?

58. First pair of trainers: training wheels... never had em... training bra.. never had one either.

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating: Nothing.

60. Drinking: Nothing.

61. I'm about to: check my phone

62. Listening to: Colbert Report

63. Waiting for: nothing

64. Want kids?: yup

65. Get married?: one day

66. Career: indeed

67. Lips or eyes: can I look in your eyes as I'm kissing your lips?

68. Hugs or kisses: Hug me while I kiss you please

69. Shorter or taller: shorter

70. Older or Younger: older

71. Romantic or spontaneous: romantically spontaneous

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: both

73. Sensitive or loud: huh?

74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship

(where's 75?)

76. Kissed a stranger: yup

77. Drank hard liquor: yup

78. Lost glasses/contacts: Nope.

79. Paid for the first date: yes. for her...

80. Broken someone's heart: yup

81. Broken someone's hip? Nope

82. Been arrested: nope

83. Turned someone down: Yes

84. Cried when someone died: Yes

85. Fallen for a friend: Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: sometimes

87. ghosts? not sure

88. Love at first sight: not for me..

89. Heaven: is right here on earth

90. Santa Claus: is in your heart

91. Kiss on the first date: i hope so

92. Angels and demons: No

93. Your Future?: yup

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No

95. Did you sing today?: yup

96. Ever got cheated on?: yup

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: ummmmmmm Pyramid completion.. .

98. The moment you would choose to relive?: last night...

99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: No

100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths?: No

josephine baker haiku

2010-11-15T21:05:00.003-05:00

fearless and topless
ripe banana fashioned skirt
blackness = confidence

Yo Yo Yo

2010-11-14T11:19:00.002-05:00

So my minister left the church in September.. and church just hasn't been the same. So I haven't been going and I have totally completely missed having my weekly nourishment. I mean, I read and I journal and I pray everyday, but something about having a spiritual teacher give you a message once a week just makes a difference..

So without my weekly word.. I've found myself detached, off center, just messed up in the game... and I have found myself dwelling on the things that I don't like about my life.. both small and large... whether it be... the annoying fact that my fingernails are weak and brittle, or the check engine light on my car...or the different relationships that I am over critiquing to my personal demise... and that shit is stupid.

Focus on negative and what do you get? more negative..

so bump that.. let me tell you some of the awesomeness I got going..

1. my mommy is the best.

2. I got new perfume

3. I got new plants and they are beautifully odd

4. I got new chucks!

5. I get to spend 50 hours a week doing what I love to do with people who I truly truly do love.

6. I have friends and family who call me just to say I was thinking about you.

7. I have money. well enough to do what I need to do and some of what I want.

8. I got treated to free meals yesterday :-)) WOOT WOOT!

9. My friends trust me.

10. I wake up happy. And go to sleep happy.

11. She is the shit!! For real. :-)

12. Her legs... yes!!!!!!!!!!!

13. I went to spoken word and the poet actually said "I'm going to twix on your mounds" as a part of his sex poem and it was HILARIOUS. I bust up laughing.. hahahaha small moments kick ass.

Cooking

2010-11-02T17:41:00.001-05:00

Okay, I don't love cooking, but I LOVE eating home cooking and it finally dawned on me that I can cook... I can make some good stuff.. with simple ingredients.. maybe it's a little overdone, maybe a little too hot, maybe cajun but HEY.. I love eating food that I made cuase I know exactly what's in it.. I know exactly what i'm eating and I know I am doing myself and my wallet a favor. .I cooked two new things this week. GO ME! :-)

Halloween- Shed the mask.

2010-10-31T19:22:00.002-05:00

In African American Lit in High School we read this poem (ooo-oop Johnnie Noble)

We Wear the Mask

WE wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

Is there a mask that you need to break? Is there someone or something inside of you that you are hiding because you are afraid people will not see you if you take off your mask, or they won't like what they see? I'm letting you know you can take off the mask.. by being you you will attract people who will love you fully and completely. Showing who you really are will bring closer relationships to you with those who love you...

I thought about it and I dont think I can wear a mask anymore. I try my best to be exactly who I am in every instance.. Not that I say everything I want to say... or do everything I want to do, but I don't fake or pretend or act as if I feel a way I don't. I favor silence. I ask help when I need to and I love myself because of it. I used to be an impostor, content with people just seeing me for a wild girl who made folks laugh and made insane comments... and i'm still that... but I am also not afraid to say, I learn things all the time and I love jeopardy and trivia, mensa puzzles and museums... and I'll do that all day.. without shame. I like to read... and hate watching videos on the internet if I can help it. I like geeky stuff.. and thinking of new ideas.. even if they make no sense cause why not? I got a brain, I may as well use it. I'm super sensitive and very passionate and I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I love deeply and can't keep anything a secret when it comes to how I feel... I love hard.. .and some people have told me to cover it up and hold back... but that's just me and I don't want someone who likes the mask.. i want someone who likes me.. so I'm good with that... but I also understand nothing is perfect.. and who I am is a work in progress..

if there is anything you need to share to help shed your mask... i'm here.

Insanity....

2010-10-22T09:00:00.001-05:00

is the fact that I almost checked my work e-mail... from vacation.

Home

2010-10-22T08:42:00.002-05:00

It's amazing how the concept of home changes. I love Chicago and the city will always be home, but each time I visit it feels different. I guess it is a good sign that where I spend the majority of my time is becoming where I want to be.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE being in Chicago. I love going down the streets where I grew up. Eating Harold's, getting some Fannie May, enjoying some chili con queso and maybe some stuffed pizza.. if I can swing downtown, I might even get some Garrett's.

No one place will conjure the fond memories of nostalgia than the skyline and the Sears Tower, and my HS and the lakefront. The old buildings on the South Side or the fun of crisscrossing through the Northside to have a good time. Lincoln Park Zoo and the Museum campus will always sing so sweetly to me, but having lived a few different places, I know that home is something that I must create.

Home is the feeling I get when I open my door to my apartment and realize that it is all mine. Home is where I smile sweetly as I hop into my car to drive to see the people I love. Home is so many different moments and emotions that fill my heart. Home is even my classroom, because it holds my future and the future of the country. I put my house keys in my classroom door AT LEAST 10 times a year LOL. That's devotion. But that's home. Home is where your heart flutters and your soul beats and when I think of home.. sometimes... I think home might just travel with me.

GLEE ME

2010-10-12T19:57:00.002-05:00

I love Glee.. It's awesome... GLEE ME!!

I loved the duets. I love singing and dancing and the joy in it.. I love the idea that music can convey ideas and feelings that mere words can never impart. Born Again... River Deep, Mountain High, Happy Days are Here Again.. ahhh I need to see a musical now

With so much crappy music.. I think I enjoy the hour of good singers, in perfect pitch that make my hairs stand on end. :-) I love it.. I just love it.

I am lucky. I want to see Chicago next, or Damn Yankees, or anything with Bob Fosse involved, or Dreamgirls.. but not really.. or anything really. I just love music by real singers. with real pitch and real talent. Broadway voices will never compare to anything else...

:-)

I'm getting my Glee para tomorrow :-)

NO MORE DADT!!

2010-10-12T19:55:00.001-05:00

Don't Ask Don't Tell was stopped by federal injunction today and so the US is no longer allowed to investigate, or prosecute or court marshall anyone because they are openly gay...

And it can only be broken if the US government goes for it.. and they wont.. i dont think.. I pray.

Thank you for mercy and grace and love and fairness and justice. :-)

I am more happy and proud than you know :-)

I am Liz Lemon

2010-10-09T20:33:00.002-05:00

I am!!! I watch 30 Rock and I dont think there is anyone on TV that I feel has better expressed my quirky loveable weirdness than she! I love her wardrobe... I love the collared shirt with a sweater on top... ahhhh the glasses... I just heart Liz Lemon.... If I'm not as cool as she is... i want to be...

LIZ LEMON ROCKS

PRIDE

2010-10-09T20:26:00.002-05:00

awesome that I enjoyed playing and having fun with my cousin and his friends during pride. I saw my homie down there for a second too. It was great.

It's wonderful because this is the first year that I can say that I am truly Proud.

I love being gay. I am not in the closet to anyone.. There is no one with whom I am close that does not know this about me and it's wonderful. It has enabled me to live my life openly and freely because try as I might to keep secrets, I am unable to. I work hard to live an open and honest existence because you know, there are only so may chances you get to make a difference.

Part of me wishes it was okay for my students to know I am gay because I feel like it would open worlds for those who are gay and those who are straight. Set a new example. I'm just a regular person. but I dont have ANY desire to be any different.

I am happy with who I am. I am delighted in the moments I get so spend with those who love me for who I am.

I started coming out to myself decades ago, but finally accepted it 7 years ago. Now, I am clear that I need to be who I am.

I'm a woman. I am black. I am a lesbian. I am so proud to be me.

Rainbow flags if I was into that whole thing.. but.. not so much.

:-) I love you.

:-)

2010-10-04T20:10:00.002-05:00

Like a Crysanthemum
blooming in the spring
like the rain that falls
and brings the summer breeze.
That anticipated phone call which
puts my mind at ease
something like an appetizer
so delicious, but just a tease.
You leave me wanting more
waiting to explore the different
facets of what you are.

2010-09-18T08:12:00.002-05:00

I woke up this morning, not feeling like P.Diddy.. but feeling like me. I turned to see if The Practice was on FX and it wasn't.. at some point I have to get the whole series through nexflix...

Got up, read The Happiness Project... thanks b... then made breakfast and coffee.. I love being able to make a homemade breakfast on the weekend.. It's so much better than the carb fest I have during the week... whether oatmeal or bagel.. it's just not the same as hot homemade breakfast.. mmm..

Now, I am blogging to you... being grateful that my life is what it is....

My coteacher's daughter is having a bday party today.. and I'm excited to go.. I found a family down here.. and it's wonderful. My coteacher takes care of me and has my back and it's wonderful.. it feels good.. to be apart of something that has no strings attached.. no pressure.. nothing but love...

I dont know that she knows how grateful I am but I think that she knows how much she means to me and how much I love that she includes me...

We couldn't be more different... but I think our hearts are the same.

Love is great no matter where you find it :-)

Good morning

2010-09-15T05:55:00.001-05:00

Fear and Love cannot exist in the same place.
I choose love.

I already have everything that I know, so there is no worry that i will not receive something or that I will have to give something up.

I keep my mind centered on the here and now and I know that I must address every situation with love.

I must be loving and honest. The ability to Love shows that I have strength. Every decision must be made from a position of strength when it is made out of love.

Love is patient and love is kind. and the rest of that Psalm that is in everyone's kitchen. I think I might throw that into my vows. :-)

My favorite thing!!!

2010-09-06T13:06:00.002-05:00

My favorite thing is when I am watching a movie and they say the title of the movie in the movie. It's awesome... It makes me smile every single time.. like lets make this super explicit to all the people why we named it this... haha I've seen so many.. but now I want to make a list ...

1. Whatever Works

Help me add to the list...

Eat. Pray. Love.

2010-08-29T20:51:00.002-05:00

Or better yet, Sustenance.

Today, I went to see Eat Pray Love with two of my lovies and it was the best ever. It was an experience that made me really think about my life, about the lessons I need to learn, about devotion and about how well I am feeding myself in those three areas. It took me back into myself in a way the last month of craziness has distracted me from.

First, Julia Roberts is so cute. Second, as she wandered through those countries I wondered when the last time I put myself out of my comfort zone. When was the last time I stepped outside my box and found something new to enjoy... and I realize.. I do that alot. I allow myself to follow a whim and enjoy the moment. I feel the discomfort and then let it work for me.

I thought about how awesome my life is and how working on me has paid off. I think I still struggle with falling to hard and believing things that aren't real, but I have to understand that that's just me... .I h ave to forgive myself and I have to just be glad that my emotions are true and my heart is open.

I need to slow down and savor the small moments and cherish those things dear to me.. because I do think that life is in the small moments..

I felt so emotionally connected to the scenes and the messages and the moments that I must see it again. I need to own it.. I need to just enjoy each frame and each scene and smile and cry as I need to. And at the end know that just like Elizabeth Gilbert.. I'm ready to crossover :-)

Got me doing things I never do....

2010-08-16T19:36:00.002-05:00

Single. I've tried it. I've liked it. I am enjoying it right now. I am still single and loving my life. But my eye has been caught. Something about her. Something about the way she moves and talks... her hair and her smile.. Something about how she busts my balls and then asks me for help. Something about her just makes me want to lay down the pimp card. Makes me wanna just retire the roster and devote that energy to special moments. To first dates and sweet surprises.. to making her smile. She is smart and good at what she does. She is independent and doesn't play games. She is honest and sweet. She knows what she wants and makes me feeeeeel great. She smells like heaven.. euphoria to be exact. But Im not willing to take it fast and jump in head first.. I dont want to spend the night or sleep with her. I just want to hang out.. I want to take her on a first date to somewhere fun that will make her smile.. I want to share little moments and show her my favorite spot in the world. I want to read books in bed and force her to watch my favorite shows.. I want to dance at the club and then kiss her goodnight.

to put it most simply... I'm sprung.

And I'm perfectly okay with that....

Quote of the Weekend:

2010-08-08T20:53:00.001-05:00

Person 1: You know, I've always heard that fat girls give the best head?

Person 2:Hell yeah makes sense.. they fat cause they like to eat in the first place. Its just eating a d*ck..

smh!

I hit the G-Spot on the Ocoee River

2010-08-08T18:59:00.003-05:00

Soooo on Saturday, my church sponsored a group to go White Water Rafting at the Ocoee River in Tennessee.. I signed up a while ago and honestly in the middle of planning for the school year I hadn't thought about the trip until Friday... In my infinite wisdom, I decide that going out on Friday night was an awesome idea... that and a hot chic was going, sooooo you know I was down... So I go out Friday night.. and have a GREAT time.. food for another post... and get home at 4:00am.

****SIDEBAR**** I didnt get to sleep until 4:30 because I made the bombass gourmet grilled cheese... Pumpernickle bread with onion and caraway with olive oil on the bread instead of butter, filled with colby jack and cheddar cheese and then oooh schnap.. that is not it... I also added some great no nitrate smoked pepper turkey meat... 4 mins on the George Foreman and I was in drunken sleep heaven.. YES!!!

So I set the alarm to 6:30 understanding this is going to be a beast of a wake up call... and the alarm goes off and I snooze to the very last moment... and as I'm putting my clothes on my homie buzzes from the gate (I am such a good friend that I am taking my homie to the train so she can get to the airport).. So I'm up and at 'em.. and SO tired

But you dont want to hear about the einsteins bagel I ate, or the Lexus truck I rode in.. or the 2 hr ride.. You wanna hear about the action..so HERE WE GO!!

Our guide's name was Lauren.. She was a cute as a button woman with perfect teeth and trendy sunglasses who seemed more like a city girl than a white water raft mountain girl... Not to mention the fact that she had on a skirt... Talk about gangsta... I'm white water rafting in this skirt.. you better ask somebody.. So needless to say Lauren was already impressive...

So we get our instructions take our places in the boat and launch ourselves into the beauty of the Ocoee... We drift into what they call Bush Gardens... which made me giggle because something about all the stroking, and wet, and harder talk just made it seem kinda.. umm... risque...

LOL So we are riding along and Lauren managed to steer us into every single bush, rock, tree, embankment on the river.. I asked her.. "Is that a hidden camera in your glasses because I swear you are trying to make us the blooper reel..." I was worried this whole thing was gonna be a bumpy ride...

But as Im rowing myself down with my crew and looking at the rocks and trees and the river I realize this is perfect...

Someone asked Lauren about herself and come to find out she does it all.. She can steer a raft through Class 5 rapids (more on that later)... rent out a house, work at a hostel, do interior design and I'm sure that there was something else... So she's pretty much kick ass... don't let the skirt fool ya.. Lauren knows what she's doing... (maybe) LOL

Soooo hit the class 3 rapids..cool... a little wet, but I'm good... Class 4 rapids we decide to start calling out the strokes... Not with 1,2 like the other rafts.. .We are gonna scream "Stroke it, Stroke it" LMAO... So we Stroke it Stroke it.. and Lauren says Faster!! HAHAHAHA SO we add on Deeper, Harder, Longer....

We are going and going and we come to the bridge where the Olympic kayaking route was built in 1996... so this isn't a baby rapid... This is some for real Olympian ish.. I am already feeling like I am on Team USA!! WOOT WOOT....

So Lauren preps us.. this is NONSTOP rowing through the rapids.. there are safety lines if we fall out, buuuut that isn't gonna happen.. we are STROKIN IT!!!! We drift our raft towards our Class 5 rapid... and Its fun... Faster water.. stronger current.. im getting wetter and wetter (ha)... Lauren's calling out the strokes....

2 Forward
"stroke it, stroke it"
All forward
"stroke it, stroke it"
Harder
Harder
Faster
Faster
Deeper
Deeper
YES
YES
YES
YES
YES
YES

GET DOWN!!!!

Wait.. what??? I'm looking all around and everyone is down.. so I try to get down and then I feel the boat moving... no control... somethings about to happen...

STROKE IT
YES

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES We hit that G-SPOT in the hydraulic and

Wait Wait WaiT!!! The boat is not flat.. there is nothing under us... I'm horizontal.. oooooh schnap...

boooom I fly underwater... I'm soaking wet.. damn

I'm remembering the safety rules (because Lauren was so awesome in explaining them) Keep my nose and toes above water.. and let the water take you to safety.. grab the rope...

I find the rocks and keep my legs up... cautious not to let my knees get all scrapped up.. that is not sexy...

and there is a group of me reaching for me... I see one rope and can't grab it.. I see a paddle but can't grab it.. Mostly because one guy is screaming "SWIM, GIRL, SWIM!!! SWIM BABY"

Oh shit sir... am I supposed to be swimming.. I thought this was a jacuzzi.. Okay ass.. damn this is Class 5 rapids.. aint so easy...

But I get up on the rocks and realize.. I JUST HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE!!! THAT WAS SOOOO EFFIN COOL!!!! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE WHITE WATER RAFTING!!!

SO I look frantically for my crewmates and we find each other and find out that everyone is okay and I'm pissed cause I';m thinking damn... wipe out... trip's over.. this SUCKS!

But a minute later..

OKAY!! We need 2 paddlers.. who's ready to go back in...

ME ME!!! I see Lauren at the helm and jump right in the boat ready to take on the OCOEE!!!

No paddle.. its somewhere down the river LOL But it's on!!!

We continue to raft... we find the rest of our crew and hit the rest of the rapids... sooo exhilirated by everything that we had been through and the fun of it all..

Author's Note: Lauren managed to NOT get tipped out of the boat, despite the rest of us biting the big one (ha another sex joke) .. and not because she was trying to save us.. .Only because she didnt wanna have to buy a case of beer.. No Swim Beer for Lauren.. I told ya she's a beast LOL

So we end up riding the awesome drift back to shore and realize that we have just been the luckiest crew ever... The river was rough.. the rocks were plenty, but we made it.. and we made it together...

Lauren is the awesomest.. and I'll never forget her because she was definitely a part of the best day of my entire life!!! :-))

How did I almost forget about this...

2010-08-03T19:19:00.002-05:00

Today, I'm going to get my hair done and because I've been driving my tail all around the city this weekend, i'm sittin on E... So I go to my local QuikTrip and get my gas.. I have on some cute denim bermuda shorts and a tank top, hair pulled back in a pony tail cause.. it's about to be washed in 20 mins...

So OMG is playing on the radio and I put the pump back up and this old guy, maybe 55 or 60, reminiscent of the man you might see at the security desk in your local skyscraper says...

"Hey gorgeous..."
"Hi... have a great day!"
"Where is your husband?"
"Uhhhh..."
"You not married... Well... I know you got a man..."
"LOL Not exactly..."
"Wait honey, you got to let me give you my number.. go'on head and put my number in your phone.."
"I can't even do that sir," smiling wide.
"How old are you darlin?"
"27..."
"ooh shit you can put my number in there..."
"I can't. I'm sorry," shaking my head slightly, "I don't date men."
"Oh! So you date women?"

*** SIDEBAR**** WHy do niggas ask me this ish EVERY time I say I dont date men? WTF else do you think I date? Goats, giraffes, sloths? What other option is there??? OMG ***

Anyway... back to our story..

"Yes, I date women."

"Ooooh well that's cause you aint never had a man who can hit that spot right..."

"Well actually I have and honestly... I don't really need that spot hit... I'm kinda straight on that"

"oooh nah baby... I'm not talking about that spot... I'm talking about social intercourse.. I can get all up in your mind girl.. get in there with conversation and hit that spot so deep that you won't want me to come out."

"Ummmm that sounds appealing, but you know there is just something about a woman that I kinda need in my life..."

"Nah you don't cause you just need the right man to take care of you right.. I'll find out your wants, needs, and desire and with that mental penetration I'll have you wide open girl... When I just say that right thing and hit that spot with that social intercourse you wont have nothing else to even think about.. you wont ever let me leave... See a lot of women don't know about that how I can penetrate your mind and just get you going with the words I say.. you dont even have to take no clothes off and I'll have you excited and ready... "

"Well, that is intriguing and excellent game... but there's something I like about breasts..."

"Oooh you like titties huh, well you can have those too. .you can still look at those"

***SIDENOTE**** as I write this I wonder.. why the hell I held this long a convo with this mo'fo

"Well no, see I dont wanna just look.. I want them in the bed with me when I wake up and when I go to sleep... I just love the feminine energy"

"oooH shit baby.. Feminine energy.. I can give that to you... Energy is transferrable, so I'll just take it from you and penetrate your mind with it... you already know..."

"LMAO!!!!!! (did he just give me a physics lesson) Sir.. that's not gonna happen.. I'm sorry LOL"

"Oh come on.. just put my number in your phone.. im at least worth a conversation!!!"

"Can't even do it"

"Come on girl!"

I get into my car... close the door... End Scene..

Life, I wonder

2010-08-03T17:01:00.002-05:00

Will it take me under?

Nope, not at all.

On the brink of a new school year, I always like to take time to reflect. A lot has changed in my life in the past few months, and things have changed drastically in the past 12. I look at my life and I am happy with it. I have a wonderful apartment. I have a good group of friends; I work with a great group of teachers. I have developed a strong spiritual practice that has become the foundation of my life.

The most important things that I reflect on right now are some things that I have come to know as true.

1. It's not about me. Other people's feelings, reactions, actions, decisions and preferences are not about me. They are not based in the things I did. They are not my fault.

2. I am responsible for me. I am responsible for the decisions I make, the perspective I have and the beliefs that I have. I am responsible for my emotions and that is a great power and responsibility.

3. My emotions and feelings are NOT who I am. Emotions are an illusion. There is no situation where I HAVE to feel a certain way, and there is always a time for me to decide how I am going to handle my feelings. I am not sadness or depression or anxiety. I am not an anxious, depressed or anxious person.. I am a person who has feelings and who can accept them and release them just as simply..

Number three should be number 1 because it has been so powerful in determining how I live my life moment to moment. I am no longer crippled or halted by bad news or disappointment because I can always focus my beliefs on what I know to be true. The truth is that I am a reflection of God, so there is nothing in this earth that can overwhelm me or take me under. i know that I am love and so I love myself because I am happy with who I am.

As I move into this new school year, I am focused on being more positive and being more understanding that some decisions are tough decisions but they must be made. My intuition is God speaking to me and so I have to listen because by listening I can avoid myself drama.

I am grounded, yet not self centered. I am in love with my life and no whim, decision, moment or afternoon can change that because my core is strong and will not be swayed by the winds of life.

Best Commercial Ever

2010-08-02T15:28:00.002-05:00

And we were so slow.. we mailed away for applications and wrote essays and all that dumb ish!! Epic Fail guys.. Epic Fail

I am here to love you.

2010-08-02T14:39:00.000-05:00

This is the blog of new minister of my church and I just loved every word. i hope it warms your heart and reminds you that I'm here to love you, life is here to love you and you are love yourself.

Cosmic Breadcrumbs: I Am Here To Love You

Best weekend ever

2010-08-02T14:28:00.000-05:00

and if you were a part of it you already know why!!! WOOT WOOT :-))

Quote of the Century

2010-08-02T14:25:00.000-05:00

You're trying to either impregnate or murder me!

My Neck, My Back

2010-07-29T22:08:00.002-05:00

Nah..... not that version!! I hurt my back. My SI Joint is inflamed. I am down for the count. Okay not the entire count, but I couldnt do my fit test today and it hurts to do everything else.. sit, stand, stretch, lie, mastur....ooh wait.. that doesnt hurt LMAO!! Sorry... I know.. you're shaking your head.. my deepest apologies..

What is my SI joint you ask? I am happy to explain...

S
So basically, the joint where my spine bone connects to my pelvic bone is inflamed.. on both sides.. the ligaments are pulled, the muscles are tight. See.. I not only make you laugh, but this blog educates as well!!

It sucks. I am on anti-inflammatory drugs.. WOMP... I have to rest the muscles.. and ice them... it makes me miserable... I need a massage... I need a new back... anyone got some cartilage and bone I can borrow???

Sooooo

2010-07-29T11:07:00.001-05:00

It's done... LMAO... You think about it... dream about it... then you finally do it.... and...

Average

LMAO

Life is great.

Its the weekend

2010-07-24T19:37:00.001-05:00

I fall in love with someone different each week... E then S then C, well I'm headed to the club and we shall see who it'll be tonight..

is it you... is it you.. is it you... this is for my number 1!!

LMAO

Woot woot!!! Enjoy your saturday.. I sure will.

Work Crush

2010-07-19T11:00:00.004-05:00

I fall in and out of love everyday it seems. Okay not love... lust... and something feels wonderful about the school girl crush. I might definitely get fired this year for coming on to my new coworker everyday... I really might. Hot isnt even the word. OMG... I might happen. I already propositioned her... cause.. well i'm nuts. LOL But a work crush is a def reason to get up in the morning.. and go into work nice and chipper... and get a readymade smile on my face. Same reason I always had a crush in school.. I'd choose someone in every single class to have a crush on... and it works... Hopefully I wont stare at her boobs too much..

2010-07-16T10:23:00.001-05:00

And because of that I am going to yoga today!! I realized that it is so important to be accountable to myself the same way i am for those I love. So even though I didn't feel like going to the dentist and I'd rather watch Weeds than yoga... I already got my clean bill of mouth-ic health (is it mouth-ic or mouth-al?)) anyway... and I am on my way to work out because guess what? I love myself sooo much, that I am going to make sure I am taken care of. :-)))

What are you going to do to show yourself you love yourself today :-)??

Hey baby, wanna visit my sateen safari??

2010-07-15T14:12:00.002-05:00

You know you do... I got a dope new set of sateen sheets to match my dope new apartment and they are in the sexiest giraffe print ever.. I slipped and slid all through the night trying to sleep as my pillow continuously slid from under my head lol ahhhhhhhh Sateen Satisfaction...

So baby, if you're down... you can visit my sateen safari for a little game of slip and slide...

Where they do that at?

2010-07-12T18:49:00.002-05:00

Hey Lazy Lurkers..

Say something! If you read the blog just respond.. I'm trying to get a pulse of just how viral this blog is.. I'm thinking i will be like Perez Hilton or Nicole Bitchie in a few weeks!!

Alright... Hit it.

Tell me your favorite color and your favorite city and the word you hate to hear people say..

I'll go first..

Purple.. Chicago... "skinded" ie: She is definitely light skinded. womp.

Your turn....

Weekend at Fidel's

2010-07-09T12:50:00.003-05:00

http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=27757446&postID=6250307318751943065
Soooo is Fidel Castro still alive? I secretly think he's sitting stiff in a chair someone in Cuba... with sunglasses and a camouflage shirt.. with that revolution beret cocked to the side...

UPDATE!! he is alive... i saw it on the news http://www1.voanews.com/english/news/americas/Fidel-Castro-Appears-Again-in-Public-Warns-of-War-98661574.html

but if you look at that pic and add a marionette string and sunglasses.. kinda still looks like Bernie!

North Carolina!!!!

2010-07-08T17:33:00.002-05:00

Come on and raise up! Take your shirt off.. twist it around your head, spin it like a helicopter!!!!!!!

YEAH!!! WHAT!!!

Quandry.. or Conundrum if you may...

2010-07-08T00:04:00.002-05:00

When does being true to yourself bleed into being morally irresponsible?
I wish I knew.

womp

Authentic Self

2010-07-02T20:55:00.002-05:00

I have started to speak my dreams into existence. By articulating the things that I want they are coming into my life. I am doing the damn thing at my job. I have made some great people who I appreciate and who allow me to be myself. I have truly lived the truth. I have followed my gut, in times when the short term benefit would have been wonderful, and I do mean wonderful... but I've let any dis-ease in my body know that I am not on the right path. I honestly have been able to tap into myself and bring good people into my life automatically. :-) I am happy. I re-read my mission statement and it is the bomb. I wanna get an artist to make it beautiful so I can put it in my room.. or maybe thats my first art project for my apartment :-) and it will hang on the wall in the living room for everyone to see. Sounds just about right to me.

:-) I think I might be able to get a little wee one with no tonsils to help me :-)

Love.

Fences

2010-06-28T21:31:00.001-05:00

"Some people build fences to keep people out and other people build fences to keep people in."

What kind of fences do you build?

random.

2010-06-21T22:07:00.003-05:00

2 more days of summer school and then I can officially shut that part of my brain off. Tomorrow I'll be spending several hours at work trying to do something productive for next year LOL I love my job and I love that I love my job.. so It's not a big deal. I also have to get a new license. Womp. I lost mine somewhere.. .and carrying around a passport is getting old. I love errands... No I don't but sometimes you just gotta get it done. I just hope I can keep my old picture, cause its AWESOME. Go Spidey. I know when I move I'm gonna find it. 3 weeks till the move :-) are you excited.. cause I am.

The Big Chop is coming soon too, to a kitchen near you <--get it. kitchen? LMAO haaa i'm funny.

Team Awesome!!

2010-06-16T20:13:00.002-05:00

I am at the right place right now. I am focused on achieving my goals. I know I am doing what I am supposed to do and everything is going in the right direction... My students did the damn thing on the CRCT!!!! I am so excited.. I am so validated.. I am so happy. I know that the CRCT is not the end all or be all.. but I do know that they learned.. They achieved.. and I am more than happy to report that i am a successful teacher. My kids both love me and they learn from me... so I have a long way to go and grow.. but I am on the right track...

Summer school even rocks!! My kids are hilarious... my co-teacher rocks... getting out at 12 rocks. Life is awesome.

I am officially on Team Awesome.

I love it!!

2010-06-15T19:31:00.002-05:00

I love it. I think i am going to go to the moon this weekend.. are you ready to rocket!!! :-)

:-) I'm gonna read a book and eat some cheese and go to sleep... I am lovin this...

Trauma at the Toll Booth!!

2010-06-11T08:39:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, I was taking the dope shortcut into the perimeter through good old GA 400... I had my 50 cents in my hand.. I drive up and there is a cashier AND one of those little funnel catching thingies... So I attempt to hand the money to the guy and he just looks at me and nods towards the basket.. whatever dude...So with my miniature limb I toss my change out of the window.... and clank clank... both quarters land on the floor... I panic... In Chicago its apparently illegal to open your door and pick up your change at a toll, or so says my mom..

And I dont have any other cash. WOMP!!! I asked the guy, wide eyes and frightened, if i can get my change... he makes some random gesture and I proceed to open the door.. all the while my trusty passenger is freaking out. OMG this is so embarrassing.. hurry up!!

one quarter is conveniently right at my feet.. the other has wandered off in that pesky way that change can do... but where did it roll.... I look left, then right.. on the curb, ooooH There is it by my tire.. .. ooh shit.. that's a dime... then it dawns on me. FUCK!!!!! its under the car... ick...

I crouch down.. aware of the line of cars forming behind me.. but cracking up all the while, why Passenger Patty is still yelling at me to hurry up LOL... I find the quarter and toss it in and Laugh my ass off... the guy in the booth.. not so amused...

Only me!

Quote of the hour.

2010-06-11T06:43:00.000-05:00

“Loving oneself is no easy matter because it means loving all of oneself, including the shadow where one is inferior and socially so unacceptable. The care one gives this humiliating part is also the cure. Thus the cure is a paradox requiring two incommensurables: the moral recognition that parts of me are burdensome and intolerable and must change, and the loving, laughing acceptance which takes them just as they are, joyfully, forever. One both tries hard and lets go, both judges harshly and joins gladly.” John Hillman

Work of Art

2010-06-11T06:35:00.002-05:00

I was watching the show Work of Art and felt inspired. It was fun. I'm def gonna do this again.. let me know what you think it is! And please remember my art training is as extensive as Mr. Bruner's Art 1 LOL

I call it... Sharpie my Pencil... Not really but that's funny... Okay for real my 4 readers, what do you think it is...

And a child shall lead them

2010-06-10T23:23:00.004-05:00

I have a mentee. She is awesome. Last night, I was up late and woke up tired.. worked summer school, burned WAY too much gas running errands and then barely had a chance to change my clothes, and in the midst of all of that.. I wasn't really having the best day ever. Therefore, at 2:30 when it was time for me to get up and go pick her up for her birthday soiree, I wasn't feeling it... then it started to rain .. I mean POUR on the way... and I began rehearsing my sorry to do this to you speech..

"Doll, Sorry to do this to you, but I'm just going to take you home because I'd rather not drive downtown in this rain. I promise i'll make this up to you on another day." I was ready to totally ditch her and then be back in the bed or on the couch by 4.

But I got to the school, the rain let up... and I saw her bobbing down the steps and I knew I couldnt... I hung up the phone with my mom loving her little pep talk...

The day was fun.. we talked and had a good time, but I was still having a hard time shaking my general malaise... when my Sugardumpling says.. "Look at what I found today."

Out of her pocket, she pulls a tiny tiny stone, about the size of a dime that says, "Let Go, Let God" And at that moment, I knew I was in the right place, with the right person and that life is always right.

Even when it doesnt feel good... life is right.. So I will promise to Let Go and Let God because my life is awesome. It truly is.. and sometimes you need a newly turned 14 year old to remind you exactly what you need to do!! :-))))

Thanks Doll.

Bitchassness in Bosses...

2010-06-04T09:09:00.002-05:00

make me sick.. If you have a problem with my work product or practices, then man the fuck up and have a conversation with me face to face.. do not be a punk ass bitch and write me a letter and put it in my box and not address it to me, but put my name on the outside and then have the audacity to not sign your name... gimme a damn break... Grow some balls and lets handle this like adults...

Give a nigga a walkie talkie and all of a sudden they think they the shit...

Dialog in the Dark

2010-06-04T08:47:00.002-05:00

On Monday, while you were dicking away your holiday with booze and burgers, I was educating myself and expanding my horizons.. Oh, hell no, I wasn't reading, or writing, or volunteering with old folks or anything... c'mon.. it was a holiday after all.. all of those activities are total downers!!!

Instead, I went to an awesome and awe inspiring exhibit called Dialog in the Dark.

The exhibit is done in total darkness, and you have a walking cane like blind folks use.. and as you go through the exhibit you are guided through different rooms and asked to do different tasks and experience the daily exercises that people do.. everything was totally normal, except the fact that I couldn't see a damn thing..

You know I have claustrophobic tendencies and generally do not enjoy crowds because I HATE random people touching me and bumping into me, but I found the DITD experience to make me much more patient. There was nothing I could do, there was no one purposefully running into me because they were ALL blind.. I also kept feeling liek I could see things, even though I know the room was pitch black.. It was kinda like when people lose their limbs but they still feel pain in them... yeah I don't know LOL it was wild.

It made me appreciate my sight much more than I ever had in the past... and I certainly no longer take it for granted.. just for the ease that it brings..

But it also did make me realize that I am missing out on experiencing alot of life because I am not using my other senses as much... I am not smelling and feeling things to get the full experience. The smell of the pineapple in the exhibit was sooo enticing.. it was like the first time I had ever smelled one... 'Twas AWESOME..

DITD is in Atlanta until June 2011...s o if you come down here.. Go.. If you don't live down here.. then wait for it to come to you and then... Go!!

In honor of our visually impaired brethren the rest of this post will be in Braille:

.:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :.

.:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :. .:. :: . : :. :: :.

Have a fabulous Friday!!! :-)

A Case of the Mondays!

2010-05-28T08:41:00.002-05:00

So it's Sunday night and I decide I am going to be nice and bring bagels for my team for post planning day!! (I need to get those out of the trunk tonight...gross) Anyway.. Monday morning, I wake up early leaving enough time for me to stop by Einsteins and get the bagels and make it to work... I pull in, wait in line forever cause that one guy didn't know what he was doing.. but leave out excitedly with my bagel tote in one hand and my large coffee in the other...

The day is bright and brilliant, not a cloud in the sky. I place my phone and coffee on hood of the car and set the bagels on the seat.. .sip on my french vanilla and get in the car... I crank the tunes.. roll down the windows and I'm JAMMING to Black Eyed Peas.. "Ima Be." I make my right onto the street and hear Badoombadoom doom... Bump bump.. booom.. I look on the road and there's nothing there... I turn down the radio and listen to my tires and I brush it off and sail to the red light...
Then despite my No Phone Zone pledge, I reach for my Blackberry and... okay must be in my purse.. hmm... maybe in the seat... nothing

OOOOH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It was on the top of the car!!! That was the boom!!! Shit Shit Shit... I picture my blackberry smashed into 2000 pieces scattered on the road... I make a super illegal U-turn... Swing around.. stop traffic and then I find it.. lying innocently on the concrete.. perfectly protected by it's rubber case...

And that's my idea of a perfect case of the Mondays!!!

Make that Money... Don't let the money make you.

2010-05-25T21:02:00.001-05:00

Vacation over... Summer school starts tomorrow :-)

:-)

2010-05-23T19:50:00.003-05:00

It's Sunday... and my day has officially been a day of rest. I've enjoyed resting and hanging out and I am excited because I got my scrapbook stuff out and I am ready and excited for my Scrapbook class on Friday.

I am excited for my life. Like for real, and even in the moments of worry, I find myself able to calm down and relax and just enjoy the moment. Breathe deeply and feel whole. :-)

I'm ELATED because

2010-05-21T19:51:00.002-05:00

That is all!!

The time is....... now?

2010-05-15T12:44:00.002-05:00

My mentee asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said no.. She said.. have you ever had a boyfriend.. I said yes. I must admit that these are personal questions, but my mentee is definitely my homie.. part of my family. We've transcended the school dynamic. Anyway. Then her eyes open wide and she says, "Are you a lesbian?!?" and I felt my eyes shift to the left, because I'm not used to lying about this anymore.. and said no. "Are you bisexual?!?!" No, i said again. She told me she thinks her bff is a lesbian. I said I doubted that... and then i taught her that being straight is also called "heterosexual" Cause she had no clue.

The long story short is... while I have no desire to spread my business among the adolescents that fill the seats at my job.. I think it might just be time for me to step out of the workplace closet.. Not in a big loud ignorant way...cause that's not just me. But as I get to know my coworkers and appreciate them more, deceit feels more and more wrong. sooooo I think it's time.

Maybe I should just...

100 proof rootbeer vodka

2010-05-14T20:59:00.003-05:00

means... alcoholic floats aaaallll summer

In Awe

2010-05-14T20:50:00.003-05:00

Today was a tiring day at work to say the least, but this evening there was a book signing for Pearl Cleage. She wrote What Looks Like Crazy on an Ordinary Day, an Oprah book club pick, and among tons of other stuff, including a play I saw last summer Blues for an Alabama Sky.

My mama LOVES her, so I told her weeks ago I was going to get her a book signed by her, her new book. I TOTALLY didn't feel like going after hard day, meeting, traffic, working out and negotiating my new lease (trying to)... BUT I promised Mom Dukes and what could I really say.... SOooo I went...

AND IT WAS AMAZING. Pearl Cleage is the kind of woman I'd like to grow into as I get older... smart, quick, bright, confident, calm, peaceful, genuine and honest. She is dopppppe... and I got her to sign a book for my mother.. and my mom will be so happy.... sooo it was TOTALLY WORTH IT. Each day I am surprised by how I find so many unexpected and wonderful reasons to smile :-)

2010-05-10T18:36:00.003-05:00

Just Call Me Ms. Ikea

2010-05-04T18:57:00.005-05:00

Sooo I realized that Ikea thinks I am smarter than I think my students are... so I'ma make them rise to the occasion... What you talkin bout Spidey? Yeah I know... Let me take you back about 3 hours.

So a playa like me is redecorating her apartment I had some little Ikea frames so I could put my pictures up. I open the box.. it has the glass front, the cardboard back and then four random clips that look crazy.. and they are NOT already attached to the frame.. so I twist it around look at it then start frantically searching the package for some kinda instructions.. Now this is Ikea, so I know I won't get words.. but a picture? some sort of graphic illustration to shed some light on this photo frame situation? I turned it upside down and all around, searched for the plastic on the floor to see if I missed something and then I realize.. damn I just gotta figure this out.. Lo and behold.. in half the time I spent looking for the instructions.. I figured it out myself.. And I felt better about myself for the discovery..

So as I go into next year I'm going to do less spelling out the way to the information and more opportunities for my kids to discover it on their own..

Little lessons learned from a 3 dollar frame..

Just Call Me Peter Brady

2010-05-02T21:35:00.002-05:00

Who knew the Brady Bunch could be so damn deep... I'm rearranging, everything will be all good next episode ;-)

Crazy Side Effects...

2010-04-25T20:19:00.003-05:00

so... i'm glad it's not anal leakage or sleepy orgies.. but my new medicine has the most bizarre side effect... excessive yawning...

So I yawn.. all day.. regardless.. I promise you aren't that boring.

Cliques Might Not be Such a Bad Idea

2010-04-22T20:27:00.002-05:00

I used to be a mean girl and as I've become an adult.. I am not proud of it. I think I was kind of ridiculous and way too rude and basically being a dumbass trying to act big and bad so that no one saw how insecure I was... Cliques were stupid in high school... I see my students and their cliques and I think it's stupid with them too..

BUT I wish I could form a clique at my job.. I wish I could be a mean girl for like 10 mins and tell the two people on my team that I hate.. Please DO NOT talk to me. When we leave a room and do not invite you to the new location.. it is because we are trying to get away from you. Lurking around us while we are talking DOES NOT include you in the conversation and is basically just damn creepy... So... if it is work related.. send me an e-mail and I will respond at my leisure.. if it is not work related tell someone else.. and If I am ever in a group of people telling them anything and you happen to be there.. I still am emphatically NOT talking to you... so please don't respond directly to me.

But I can't do this because I mean it's unprofessional. As I typed that rant out.. I realize I have a problem and need to get over it.. BUT I mean come one.. one good cussing out might be painful for a minute.. but it would prevent another 190 days of awkward moments, eye rolling and me just basically wishing you had called in sick today...

Good thing tomorrow is Friday.