love

To a Stranger
by Walt  Whitman

Passing stranger! you do not know 
How longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking, 
Or she I was seeking 
(It comes to me as a dream)

I have somewhere surely 
Lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall'd as we flit by each other,
Fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,

You grew up with me, 
Were a boy with me or a girl with me,
I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become 
not yours only nor left my body mine only,

You give me the pleasure of your eyes,
face, flesh as we pass,
You take of my beard, breast, hands,
in return,

I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you 
when I sit alone or wake at night, alone 
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again

 I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

For Each Ecstatic Instant by Emily  Dickinson For each ecstatic instant We must an anguish pay. In keen and quivering ratio To the ecstasy. For each beloved hour Sharp pittances of years, Bitter contested farthings\\ And coffers heaped with tears.

Sonnets from the Portuguese, XIV
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
'I love her for her smile--her look--her way
Of speaking gently,--for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love, thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

- Courtney Kuchta -

problem...

when the only thing we have in common is that we're both really into you...  

Okay

Yo... ive been focusing on the wrong thing and now its time to go back to the right things... sooo I've never done this before.. but I am doing it now.. going on Girl Strike... yeah.. I need a girlcation... They are just taking over too much of my brain space.. and so now i'm going to just focus on me.. working out.. handling business.. and eating right.. and leaving these hussies alone... okay.. I never really messed with hussies before... but ya know.. leaving these women alone.. They gotta go.. out of my brain space and out of my pocket book.. Sure I'll kick it.. sure we can hang out.. but I am officially focusing on my friends and my family and not that other stuff...  And as I focus on the right things... I know the right things will come in my life... thank you thank you thank you... :-) 

Affirmation: I am focused on those things in my life that bring me happiness and bring comfort and security. I release everything that brings feelings of insecurity, discomfort, or fear.  My thoughts will make my life bigger and fuller than ever before. :-)

Snow Day

I learned a lot about myself through my Snow Week.

1. I could never work from home.
2. I should probably never be a stay at home mom.
3. I kinda dig hanging out with myself cause I'm pretty awesome.


but I think the biggest take away was something that just came to me like a lightbulb moment. I was sitting there and I was thinking... and and the thought popped into my head.. "I want a dad."  In a lot of ways I feel like I've never had a dad. I feel like it's a relationship I never got to have. It's hard because when I was a kid I always thought I could patch things up with my dad. I thought we'd get to have some deliverance moment where we could talk and see each other eye to eye.  I thought I'd get to be daddy's little girl again, but then in a blink of an eye, your life changes.. and some life changes aren't temporary.. some can't be brought back on track.There are some things that change in a minute but last your whole life time.  I'll never get to see my dad again. I'll never get to remember what he sounds like or smells like or looks like.. I'll never have that.  And I wish I hadn't taken it for granted.  He used to call and I would be so mad... mad that he only called once a week, made that his birthday cards came late. Mad that he would ask me things that I felt like he should know, cause he was my dad and dad's should know where field trips are and what i'm doing.   I remember he came to school late to pick me up and i would just be fuming.  I was mad. I was sad.  I was angry. I was hurt.  I was too young to understand and appreciate anything.   And there is no one to call and talk to or to explain it to because I can't make a new dad, or find one on the street. so I have to mend that hole in my heart by myself. It also makes me think about having my own child and would I be wrong to have a child when there isn't a dad there to do the same things I am mentioning.

Earth shaking Snow Day today kids.    Shrug.

Snow Day Take Away 4:  Michael Jackson, the Experience is so much more fun to watch other people play LOL

New Word

Friendcest:

When one of your friends dates your siblings.... gross.

Illegal in every state where I live.

WOOT WOOT

Tomorrow is a snow day.. I love it.. This is why i started teaching for random days off.. okay that's bs....

but on my snow day I am going to... watch movies,  eat a good breakfast... have fun... read.... and text everyone who is awesome.. ;-)  I might even call a few of them..


:-)      I still llvver her.... she's still the first thing on my mind... but i'm letting it all work itself out... sooo love love llove.