Love

I'm in love with this girl.  It's foolish and full of tomfoolery.. It's funny and fantastic... its fickle and fancifree. For some reason it feels right where I need to be.    

It makes me think of:

Love is patient, love is kind.. :-)

:-)

I went to go ride the bike at the gym today and as I walked I realized its been a year that i have been single.  And this year has been the best year of my life. It has reconnected me with who I am and what I want, what I need and some habits that I've desperately needed to rid myself of.  I've become more happy, more content, more relaxed and more like the me that I've wanted to be.  I've cut my hair off.. I've completed two bootcamps, and Ive made some great friends.  I've conquered some fears and cultivated a few more.HA. healthy fears. like the fear and awareness that I can't lose myself  in dumbness that doesn't serve me.  I've learned to listen to my heart and my gut and dismiss my fear and insecurities cause they are not the same thing.   I'm happy with my life. I'm happy with myself.  I am just happy.  I must say... I thought that I was a relationship person, but I have learned that a relationship can take many different forms.  Some of them are healthy than others and those may not seems as attractive has the hot passionate ones we often are attracted to. But over the long haul, eating a tasty fresh salad everyday is gonna make me feel better than a bag of fries.  So I'm enjoying the salad. Loving myself enough to do what's right for me.  Realizing some of the most painful moments of my life needed to happen to mold me into who I am now, has put alot into perspective for me.. It allows me to take everything in stride and focus on the journey not the bump in the road.  A year ago, you couldnt have told me that I wasn't gonna be miserable if... I remember even begging to get back together...  womp and womp.  That woman was me, but she is no longer who i am.

Summer things to look forward to:  Rock Climbing...circus arts... swimming laps... hiking in the mountains...   Like Ernee said... We got alot of shit to do this summer... INDEED!!! 

Fave feature

One of my favorite features from my fave magazine Esquire is "out of context excerpt from a letter we aren't going to publish" 

And I am going to share a random quote from a convo you don't know about:

What are you? Some kind of lesbian monster?

Hilarious

Girlcation snowday

So, I've been trying to go on a girlcation but I love women too much. Its harder than giving up candy for lent!!!!!  Omg.  Soo I got a date this week and one during the weekend.  Yes yes yes.   And vday tomorrow :-)  anyone have any sexy ladies they'd like me to meet? Holla!!!!

Starry Night

I painted Starry Night by Van Gogh and it's awesome...  I am going to play trivia on Thursday.. Thinking of doing something fun on Saturday with my gay boys..  I am just trying to do it all. Do it like i'm doing it for TV.

:-) 

love

To a Stranger
by Walt  Whitman

Passing stranger! you do not know 
How longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking, 
Or she I was seeking 
(It comes to me as a dream)

I have somewhere surely 
Lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall'd as we flit by each other,
Fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,

You grew up with me, 
Were a boy with me or a girl with me,
I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become 
not yours only nor left my body mine only,

You give me the pleasure of your eyes,
face, flesh as we pass,
You take of my beard, breast, hands,
in return,

I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you 
when I sit alone or wake at night, alone 
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again

 I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

For Each Ecstatic Instant by Emily  Dickinson For each ecstatic instant We must an anguish pay. In keen and quivering ratio To the ecstasy. For each beloved hour Sharp pittances of years, Bitter contested farthings\\ And coffers heaped with tears.

Sonnets from the Portuguese, XIV
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
'I love her for her smile--her look--her way
Of speaking gently,--for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love, thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

- Courtney Kuchta -

problem...

when the only thing we have in common is that we're both really into you...  

Okay

Yo... ive been focusing on the wrong thing and now its time to go back to the right things... sooo I've never done this before.. but I am doing it now.. going on Girl Strike... yeah.. I need a girlcation... They are just taking over too much of my brain space.. and so now i'm going to just focus on me.. working out.. handling business.. and eating right.. and leaving these hussies alone... okay.. I never really messed with hussies before... but ya know.. leaving these women alone.. They gotta go.. out of my brain space and out of my pocket book.. Sure I'll kick it.. sure we can hang out.. but I am officially focusing on my friends and my family and not that other stuff...  And as I focus on the right things... I know the right things will come in my life... thank you thank you thank you... :-) 

Affirmation: I am focused on those things in my life that bring me happiness and bring comfort and security. I release everything that brings feelings of insecurity, discomfort, or fear.  My thoughts will make my life bigger and fuller than ever before. :-)