An Open Letter to

Mr. Michael Baisden,

I abhor you. Why? Because while listening to you on the radio, you come off as a regular guy with some sense. You seem to be a Black Disc Jockey that spares us the ignorance of Steve Harvey or Ricky Smiley. You are not a comedian, you don't bore us with your unfunny nonsense, or offend me with crude jokes and gutter prank calls. But as I have continued to listen to your show, I have become disgusted because you have managed to throw in offensive commentary that makes no sense and actually furthers the dumbness in our community today. The worst part being, many people accept you as an expert opinion, giving more validity to your bs.

I listened to your show one day about paternity issues. Okay, interesting. I decided to tune in. Issues of paternity are definitely topical and surely affect many people in our lives. So you began talking about women who don't tell me the truth about who the father of their child is or could be. I totally agree Mike, those chics are grimy. I mean for real, in that small window of conception you know the paternity possibilities; fess up.

However, you took a completely wrong turn when you started dissing brothers who are taking care of children that aren't theirs. You said they are fools and need to stop taking care of children that aren't their biological children. You entertained and encouraged dumb women who called in upset at their sons/cousins/brothers/etc who are currently taking care of children that do not look like them, or who continue to support children who have been proven to not be their biological children. You even went so far as to say that God makes the baby look like the father, so that the man can know who his child is. After all the mother already knows that it's her child, so if the baby doesn't look like the man he needs to stop being dumb and get that paternity test.

To quote Dr. Huxtable- "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life!"

Have you ever seen Kim Fields and her mother? Michelle Obama and her mom?? Both women look just like their mothers and I don't think we need to question the intelligence of their fathers raising them or the validity of their paternity. Children in the same family look like one or both parents or a mixture of the two. Even Maury discredits that damn "He don't look like me" bullshit. Gimme a break.

But even still. Even if a man finds out a child is not his, what should he do? BOUNCE? Should he leave the child out there to grow up as another fatherless black kid? The Black family has been fluid since slavery, hell I got play cousins and play sisters and we all know who we biologically belong to. It is a disgrace whenever we try to shame anybody out of taking care a child, because it don't look like him. How is that the right thing to do? How does that make you a fool to take care of a child who needs a father? How can we support women who are mad at their husbands for continuing to take care of kids that they were once a father figure to, if not their biological fathers. Your comments supported the further disintegration of the black family and for that you get a big fat WOMP. Men cry in the dark, but so do kids who are left by their fathers. They also fight in school, and find themselves locked up because they wonder what is so wrong with them that their daddy doesn't want them. And if a man is willing to step in to heal that wound and support that child, how could that possibly be negative or a dummy move on his part. You suck.

That was strike one. Strike 2 and 3 came when I read this post:

Michael Baisden is a Misogynist Pig

I don't even need to comment. I wish a muthafucker would say just lay there. You don't have a say cause I want some right now. And you don't even believe that because if your daughter was that wife... you wouldn't insist she lay down and take it. Or Mr. Baisden maybe you are that much of a d-bag.

So Mr. Baisden, I wish you well, but I can no longer listen to your show. I can no longer choose to support someone who supports ideals that go against all of the things that I stand for and who advocates for nonsense that hurts others, be it women or children. I hope you see the light, I hope you have a change of heart. Until then, you, along with R. Kelly and Chris Brown have lost a listener because oppression is oppression and I am against it.

Sincerely,

Spiderlgs

A Drink is Not a Contract

I am just putting it here.. When I am a super dope celeb and they ask me to write my book. It'll be called "A Drink is Not a Contract and other shit you should already know."

Steal it and I will sue you. It's timestamped on this here blog.

R.I.P. Bea

Golden Girls was one of my absolute favorite shows growing up. It used to come on on the BANGING Saturday night line up with Nurses and Empty Nest. Hell I was 9, I didn't have anything to do on a Saturday but watch TV. So my heart was saddened when I heard that Bea Arthur passed away. She was a good actress, and a star of my childhood. Heck, I was watching the Golden Girls instead of the news on 9/11 , which is why I had NO idea what was going on. (Lifetime doesn't cut in for breaking news.) So I will be completely cliche and say, "Bea, Thank you for being a friend; we will miss you."

R.I.P. Bea Arthur
May 13, 1922 – April 25, 2009

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
your heart is true you're a pal and a confidant

I'm not ashamed to say
I hope it always will stay this way
My hat is off, won't you stand up and take a bow

And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see, the biggest gift would be for me
and the card attached would say,
Thank you for being a friend

Thank you for being a friend
Thank you for being a friend
Thank you for being a friend

Blame it on the alcohol

Does T-Pain really say.. "Take a shot of Nuvo?" What kinda punk ass drink is that? I would definitely clown a negro taking a shot of pink Nuvo. LOL Henn? VSOP? Remy? Shit Rum and Coke? Damn.. what do you chase a shot of Nuvo with? An Apple martini? hahaha.

T-Pain's a d bag.

Speaking of Os

Soooo B. Enchanted would rather me not give her daughter a vibrator, but how many of you have one? Does your partner know? would your partner know... Or do you just feel like you'll go sans orgasm until you have a boo? or work it out without assistance?

Things I did.

I heart dumb lists like this.. all the stuff I have done is in red.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyworld/Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you were not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been laid off from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life (Does NOT killing a kid count???)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee


41 of 99 aint bad, cause some of this dumb ish I never wanna do.. like kill an animal, bungee jump, sky dive, rock climb, break a bone, motorcycle.. etc i'm not the thrill seeking type.. ooh schnap, make that 42 of 99.. I did break a bone in 7th grade playing softball with wack ass Mr. Bryant. I told my mom it was broken and she didnt believe me, assuming i was a hypocondriac, now it's crooked for life.

I do wanna see all the stuff and go all of the places. I don't think there is anywhere I wouldn't travel (in times of peace, cause I'd love to go to Africa, but Darfur sure aint on the list. :-))

Any numbers surprise you??

It started with the Huxtables

So the Cosby Show was supposed to be the show that showed us Negros as the professionals we are. No more "scrappin and surviving" like Good Times.. We made it. Claire was a lawyer, and Cliff a successful obstetrician. Yes!! Ivy League educated Sandra married Elvin, a Princeton Grad. Denise didn't finish Hillman but then went on to marry Martin, an officer in the Navy.

Alright, we know Sandra and Elvin decided to give up their professional dreams and open the Wilderness store, but that is entreprenuership at its finest. Of course, we also remember that Denise was finding herself and she skipped from job to job, never quite reaching Claire status, but as an officer's wife she was good. All in all, the black family was continuing, destined to maintain high socio-economic bliss.

As little black girls, the Cosby's gave us hope. We saw that this could be our story. I was no longer Penny, cowering under the threat of an iron, or Florida drivin that bus and still never having a dollar at the end of the week. Y

Then we hit Vanessa, who began dating Robert, and moved on to Dabnis. So Dabnis Brickey wasn't the degreed type, but he was a supervisor at the University and was able to set up a home for Vanessa's idealistic ass. Good job.

The Cosby Show was a glimpse into the middle class world of Af-Ams, showing all we could be, as we were striving to be seen as equals and were going to college in record numbers. They were the dream we were hoping to attain, and my friends and I did. All of my friends from high school have degrees; we work in all different industries, and I don't think any of us live with our parents or have outside kids. We are doing it big and living up to our parents' dreams of success.

But as educated black women, there is still a piece that many are missing and that is a man on our level. Claire Huxtable did it, Sandra did it, hell Denise and Vanessa married up. So we thought that we could and would do that too. We thought hell yeah, I'm going to go to Hillman and find a Dwayne (if you like the nerdy type) or a Ron (if you like the doing too much lame negro), get married, buy the house and pop out them babies.

But that dream is turning out to be a fantasy. Because my homies are dating trifling negroes who ain't doing much, and are shocked that we, as adults, read. The shame isn't that it's happening, the shame is that the signs were there in our Cosby Show fantasy, but we missed em. We didn't pay enough attention to the reality of Rudy and Stanley.

Rudith Huxtable is the daughter of professionals. She went to school and assumingly got good grades, because it was never an issue on the show. But as we reach the final seasons who is Rudy mated with? Stanley.

Stanley's ass didn't even know to read when Rudy starting liking him. She overlooked Bud, and went for that sexy man candy played by Merlin Santana (R.I.P.) She was never bothered that he couldn't sound out "Continental Congress" when working in the after school program with Theo. And Theo didn't even look out for his little sis, didn't say, "You know he is 14 and can't read. you might want to think about that, Rudy."

No, Stanley was at the house, kicking it with the fam. Cliff, who had his reservations about allll the men that his daughter brought home easily accepted Stanley into the fold. Despite him being 9 years behind Rudy on the learning to read curve.

So, we got the message too late. Instead of picking it up then, when it is staring us in front of our faces, we held on the pipe dream... and its only now we see that the majority of mates suited for us are illiterates alll growed up. So we better get with the program and accept that our future is gonna look a little less like Cliff and Claire and a lot more like Rudy and Stanley. And that's okay because there are GED classes available at all junior colleges. Stick with him through that and you are gold. after all.. it is our high standards that send even the Stanley's running to white women... they know how to stand by they man.

I can't quite put my finger in it

So I was listening to "I'm Fuckin you tonight" by Notorious BIG and R. Kelly and he gets to the line and says "finger fuckin in the park" and I was thinking oooh that is soooo high school. So, what do you think... Is there an age when you need to grow up and stop just finger fuckin in the park??

My new favorite song

http://www.imeem.com/backyy/music/_7KM-G-s/dj-class-ft-jermaine-dupri-trey-songz-im-the-ish-remix/

My new favorite song

http://www.imeem.com/backyy/music/_7KM-G-s/dj-class-ft-jermaine-dupri-trey-songz-im-the-ish-remix/

Fatimals :-)

I have an obsession with shows like Inside Brookhaven Obesity Clinic and Half Ton Mom, Half Ton Dad and Half Ton Teen and I Eat 33,000 Calories a Day and oh yeah World's Fattest Man. But I find super morbid obesity interesting and not funny. Obesity is on the rise and it has led to so many deaths in the Black community that I can't even laugh at that. I mean I feel like we definitely gotta work it out.

That said, I think that there is one part of the obesity epidemic that I CAN laugh at.. and that is FAT ASS ANIMALS!! Enjoy. the picture above is clearly photoshop LOL :-)

I think this little girl might get a hernia.

Kosher Coke For Passover

I want Kosher coke for Passover. I want it because it has real sugar. Talk about a healthier life. No High Fructose Corn Syrup. REAL DEAL sugar. That's what I'm talking about
no leavening agents added. So if you see some regular Coke
with a yellow cap- Buy it and I'll pay you double.
For more Info:
http://offthebroiler.wordpress.com/2009/03/27/kosher-for-passover-coke-its-the-real-thing-baby/

Why you gotta act....

like you aint black? I mean really Rashida Jones. Really?? You know yo daddy is black. Quincy is soo black he invented the Soul Card. But there you are in I Love You, Man acting like you are white. You don't have a single black friend, and at your wedding there is no one black. It is casually mentioned that your dad is out of the picture, but damn, every little mixed girl got that
cousin that loved you or that aunt that got in touch with you once you grew up cause she knew growing up your daddy was trifling! You should be ashamed. I mean this is worse than when J.Lo was Italian in Maid in Manhattan, or the Wedding Planner.. or whatever. It's 2009, passing don't get you less whoopins, that good job in the office, or the right to vote any more boo. Passing is played.


P.S. The movie was pretty good though.

Act Like a Lady, Think like a Man

Okay, this is all the buzz. Chics have blogged about it, millions have purchased it, even Oprah repped it on her show. So I figured I would check it out (for free) while I was in the Chi... And I thought, hmmm this is not worth purchasing. Most of this is just the same advice you will get from a level headed dude you already know, who respects you enough to real talk you.

But, go Steve, tell your story, make your money and the Ignorance Quotient was relatively low (unlike some mornings on his radio show). UNTIL I got to the part where Steve says that a man wants to protect his woman. Okay, true true. He includes an anecdote from his personal life to bolster this point. Apparently his wife is the spontaneous, adrenaline junkie type, who goes scuba diving, bungee jumping etc. Well I guess I should say WAS the spontaneous type, because apparently because Steve can't "protect" her in these situations she has given it up. No argument, she is just thankful that he cares so much about her.

Give me a damn break. You met her like that, that is who she is, and so how is it okay to advocate for her to not do something that she loves and has loved before you came along cause you can't handle it. That's some Grade A Bullshit. If I decide to marry Bear Grylls, how am I gonna be mad that he keeps parachuting in the jungle and say.. Baby you should just be glad I care about you. That's unnacceptable. Just like a man aint giving up his sports, he's not giving up his homies, I wouldnt give up a piece of me to keep that ego from cracking.

This is why you're fat

www.thisiswhyyourefat.com


Gross.

Relaxer my ass

I would like to knock out the person who named it a relaxer. I have never been relaxed when I had a relaxer being applied to my head. It has never felt like a good massage, or a nice hot shower. Never like a good work out at the gym or a good night of, uhh definitely not like that. It starts unassuming enough, a little cold on your scalp, making you think ahh this won't be too bad. I think I've spent the last week or so patting instead of scratching. Soon, I'll be rinsing it out. But noo then you feel a tingling sensation at the nape of your neck, and you try to ignore it. refocus your energies or the latest issue of Essence or Black Hair Sophisticates. Okay half the head is done, I'll be okay. Then the tingle grows like the plague, suddenly you can't tell which part of your head is tingling and which part isn't.
You start to think, I sure wish she would stop runnign her mouth and do this damn perm quicker. Your stylist asks, how you doing? uhh its burning a little. But what does it matter, I surely have tio go through with it. I cant just get half my head done, and look like a fool. So you grimace and keep it moving. Try to strike up a conversation, and by the time she is done with the application, you feel like your head is being treated with acid! Hydrochloric acid. This must be the worst pain known to man. And she aint even done, she still has to work it through one more time to tame all the new growth.

By the time my head hits the bowl I wonder, what the hell is worng with me. I should go natural, clearly this cant be worth it. My natural hair would like wonderful.. I could rock it curly or straight. Bump this, this is the last time i'm getting a perm...


until 6-8 weeks from now.