My mom told me don't give too much of yourself or you will be taken for granted. Hold something back so that you don't give it all away. I don't know a gray area where just a little can show, while the rest is hidden away. I don't know a place where only a bit of my vulnerability will show. I wish I knew how. I wish I didn't want to fall so deep into a safety net and I could carry myself. I wish I wasn't so afraid to brave the inner parts of my soul so much that I needed someone else. I wish I could bust the windows out of the car and walk away with anger and rage. Instead, I sit thinking of the shame. The little part of me that wants so much to make things right, but i know doing so would make me lose myself. I know that it's all about me because I have the pain so deep that I looked to you to heal. I wish I was able to face those demons earlier, because maybe... no there are no more what ifs. It's over and it's done. The doors and windows are closed. I don't think I could live with me allowing you to treat me the way you did. When I thought I was a priority, I wasn't. But I can be my priority. I will be my priority and keep on moving. Keep on being me, fully and without any shame. I wish there was somewhere else I could place the blame. Because I want to keep on loving you...but our definition of love is two different things. i'll accept that it's over, and let you off the hook. I wish I was writing shiny new pages, instead of being forced to close another chapter in this book.
Actually, I am soooo glad I closed that damn book and donated to the goodwill, so someone else could give it a good home... I'm so grateful for the lesson I learned and for the person I was able to become being just who I am.. I am soooooo glad that I got to be me cause I am sooo awesome and would never have been able to do that with your judgment and condemnation and your dishonesty.. So thank you.. and thank you too :-) Cause I'm feeling great... and you weren't that great in bed anyway :-)
No comments:
Post a Comment