Ugh, your baby stinks...

...and he's sticking to the carpet... no seriously.. that dried juice on his face is tangled in the Berber..

So, I work in a middle school, where on any given day a child is hygienically challenged. They stink, they have on dirty clothes, nasty hair, even food all over their faces. Disgusting, I tell you... but I can understand how adjusting to hormones and the subsequent funk can allude a child every once in a while.

But one thing I hate MORE than when tweens are dirty is when babies are disgusting. You know, that baby with hair all over its head that has little bits of fuzz in it, and they have some sort of pudding/applesauce/ice cream/kool-aid ring around their mouth that has more fuzz stuck to it. Then you look and they have on a dingy stretched out onesy, unsnapped at the bottom, with a myriad of stains, detailing their activity for the last day (or two). This is especially reprehensible at public events, in public or when someone is having people over. Yeah, Johnny might be cute, but i am not touching that walking/crawling/slobbering bacteria factory. You must clean your child... not just daily, sometimes its hourly, sometimes minutely... cause babies are gross.. they throw up, spill shit, just plain shit.. throw things all over themselves, wipe all kinds of everything on their bodies and faces and rarely do they stop to take a visit to the faucet to wash up just a bit, or into their room to find the new t-shirt under the bassinet.

I know, I know.. Spidey, you dont have any kids... how dare you speak on how I keep my child??? Well, I don't have a dog, but I definately know that mange and fleas are unacceptable.. get a groomer or don't buy a pet.. clean your kid or close your legs... its just that simple...

So... you can feel free to keep your child as dirty as ever... because 99% of the time, i wont be in their company anyway (remember.. i dont do children under 12)... but if I have to see them at Christmas/Easter/Baby Shower/church/when you bring them up to parent teacher conference night cause you dont have a babysitter.. wipe their damn face before you get out of the car/bus!! I don't want to judge you... but i will :-)

For more information... visit here. :-)

OMG I almost FORGOT!!

Mackenzie Phillips?!?! WTF!!?!?!

White folks definitely took an L on that one too.

Sorry for ya.

I feel sorry for white people.

What?

Yes, I really do. I feel sorry for them because if I was living in some other country I think I would assume that white folks are crazy as hell. The portrayals of them on TV are completely outrageous. Let's think.

Kim on RHOA.

The Real Housewives of NJ

The Crazy Tea Party protestors

The Crazy contractor Orgies in Iraq

Glenn Beck

Rush Limbaugh

SO many insanomaniacs, for right now, I do feel bad for whitey cause they look crazy as hell.

Is it just me? or are white folks getting played in the media? Sucks to be them.

OMG

Mufaro's Beautiful's Daughters

When I was a kid, we had nothing but Black books. I didn't think White folks existed except on TV (and at my gifted school, and church, and my mom's job, and downtown...) okay sooo they existed but not in the crib. One of my favorite books was Mufaro's Beautiful Daughters by John Steptoe. The book had girls in it named Nyoka and something else.. but they are different names like mine, they had braids and brown skin and I just loved loved loved the book. AND it had one of those gold seals on the front that lets you know a book is SOOOOO legit.

So I used to peruse this book daily and as I got older prolly a couple times and year and lo and behold, I know the woman who inspired the cover art for the book.

Check it out:

They are totally the same person.

Sooo Linzo. This one is for you :-) Tell me they arent the same... I dare you!

I bet you can't tell which one is the book and which one is my friend????

Today

I worked out for the second day in a row today and its been forever. but I loved it. I realized 30 mins will go by whether i do something with it or not, so I need to just make something happen. I also thoroughly upgraded my ipod.. and made a list of good shit to do.

The day off on Tuesday was exactly what i needed to get my mind back where it needed to me and get my priorities in order.

Have you been working out??

You should be!!!!! Join me in getting athletic.

How Not to Play Yourself: Vol 1.

Hello Gentleman,

This is Spidey's first edition of How Not To Play Yourself. This edition will cover, How Not to Play Yourself...When Trying to Get the Digits.

1. Don't come over and spit game after you have worked up a sweat doing anything: Unless you have a body to die for and your shirt is off, and you don't stink OR smell like sweat, and you have minty fresh breath...or are otherwise Dead Sexy (think Morris Chestnut or Eric Dane).
Reason: We don't wanna touch anyone who is sweaty.. unless well... we got you sweaty.. and, it cannot possibly be your best foot forward if it reeks of b.o.

2. Introduce the single/in a relationship question early. Don't talk for 20 mins asking about our jobs and where we are from, what music we like, what we do during our free time.. and never give us the door to say.. "I got a boo." We don't want you to waste your time, but we also don't wanna seem like a bitch, interrupting your innocent convo by saying "Look, I'm not single."

3. Ask for the digits at a club/restaurant/social gathering that serves drink without offering to get us one. Okay, I feel you.. don't buy the chic a drink just got she got a fatty, but I mean really if you would like to get to know me then you can splurge that 8 bucks. You can.. and if not... then stop reading this blog RIGHT NOW and head directly to www.monster.com or www.careerbuilder.com and get crackin!!

4. Do NOT talk about all of the stuff you do/have/want. We don't care. I don't care about the degree or promotion you got, or the car you drive. Let that stuff speak for itself. I mean, Sir, I have a job too. I work. I went to college. none of this is foreign you need not explain to me the intricate details of what you want to do with your MBA because I can imagine business, and I ain't bit more interested in talking business at a social outing, than I am doing work when I am actually at work. Give it a rest. If we are meant to be then our common interests will come up and we can talk about travel, music, concerts, movies, tv, celebrities, books, hometowns,.. damn anything except you, because being impressed by you, my darling, cannot be all that we have in common. PS: Your car is not super impressive either cause it really makes me think you might be paying a 699 car note with a 24.9 APR in order to floss, instead of doing something productive with your cash.

5. If I give you one word answers, please move on. Please. If you ask my name and I just say my name and don't ask yours.. be rude and walk away cause if i Was interested in you, I would at least want to know what your mama named you. if I dont even want to know that much, I dont want to know ANYTHING else.. and I dont want to waste the energy exercising my cheeks and tongue to talk to you at all. So.. leave me alone and go find one of your boys.

Thanks you.

Stay tuned for How Not to Play Yourself Vol 2.. coming soon.

ITS RAINING ITS POURING

And Spiderlgs is in bed snoring!! Today we have a day off because it's a floood! So I am mixing the day with productivity and nothing. I was sitting in bed and trying to get some things done and I wonder if you ever have the problem of feeling guilty when you are not being productive even if you need some time to relax... how do you create the balance? Work or play? or both? or neither..

I am doing a little of A and a little of B but i am wondering if I am the only one who struggles with not being productive all the time.

Hot!!

SO I was looking in my senior book and stumbled upon my What's Hot and What's Not list.
Among the hot- Mariah Carey. Among the not- "Movable butterfly clips" <-remember that shit.? womp So I figure I would refresh it for 2k9. off the top of my head

Hot

Tyra Bank's Real Hair
Janet Jackson performing "Scream"
"Scream"
Tina Landon dancing with Janet
Blackberries
ANTM for Short Girls (even though its without me!)
Nigel Barker (HOT)
Esquire Mag
Obama
"I'm not gonna write you a love song" <-i love it
crushed ice
dress down fridays.
Whitney is Back

NOT
twitter
So you think you can dance
rainy days everyday in ATL!!
LOL Smiley Face
That song that goes.."Forget about your boyfriend and meet me at the hotel room" womp
Mariah carey
Nancy Grace
Prank Phone Calls on Rickey Smiley
ashy ankles
Celebrity Blogs

anything you wanna add?

WTF?

Why?

1. Why was there a chic in the club with braids ala Brandy ? She inspired us to bust into the dance from "I Wanna be Down" right next to her.

2. Why would anyone have blue and purple paint with glitter in circular designs around her eyes?

3. Why would she then decide to accompany that with blue and purple inch long eyelashes?

4. Why do SGRhos think that anyone is hating on them? I mean fact is fact, and aint nothing wrong with stating that.

5. Why do people still smoke and then get offended when you give them the side eye? IF someone pointed their tailpipe in my face and hit the exhaust, I'd kick their ass. You sir, with the cigarette, are getting off easy.

6. Why is Jadakiss as hard as it gets?

7. Why is it still appropriate for anyone to have for real bonafide designed cornrows after the age of 7?

8. Why do people get airbrushed RIP t-shirts/hoodies/sweatsuits/caps? you bet not ever put my airbrushed mug on anything!

9. Why is Black TV so HORRIBLE? I mean come on.. It's awful. After Living Single we aint got much else to watch.

Go Sit Down

And because the blog has been a big bummer for two posts in a row.. here is a list of dumb shit I find funny.

1. The Real Housewives of Atlanta go to restaurants I go to. HAHA on a teacher's salary I can afford to go to Twist and FAB. They don't do anything super cool. They live in houses that I could lease/rent in this economy. HA! Only one I think who is prolly really doing it for real.. is Kandi cause let's face it royalties are for real.

2. That chic on So You Think You Can Dance is so annoying.. always hollering and shit. Go Sit Down!

3. My students don't know who said "Give me liberty or give me death" They also write on the wrong side of the paper. Go Sit Down

4. I wrote "Happy Birthday Beyonce" on the board today and in one of my classes the kids got up and did Single Ladies and Uh oh uh oh uh oh oh no no HAHAA Hi-larious!

5. I knew Paul Abdula was out of there! :-) I called it on the blog. Okay I said she should be fired. but ya know. same!

6. I'm gonna join Twitter cause Janet Jackson is on there.

7. That long stroke is no joke. Thank your local pipe layer!

Out.

Maia Campbell and Mental Health in the Black Community

There is a video on the internet of Maia Campbell from In The House. i only saw a chunk of it, because I don't like watching people be exploited. I don't think it's funny or fair. And then I found out that she is schizophrenic or bipolar or just one of the two. Either way, she is tortured daily and does not take medicine what that will help her because of their side effects.

So I won't laugh at her for acting crazy or being crazy and I won't call her crazy because its about time that in the Black community we stop either shutting our eyes to mental health issues or laughing at them as a way of numbing our own discomfort with the issue.

So now, instead of talking about it, I'll be about it. All of my life I have been tortured with depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I am lucky enough to never have taken any drastic or desperate actions, but the pain has been the same. I understand why people self mutilate, I understand why people are so tortured that they take their lives. In the past, I have laid in bed all day and all night, unable to get work done. I have cried myself to sleep, I have been so anxious and wound up that I couldn't sleep for more than an hour at a time. The worst part was that I never understood it. I dont have a fucked up life. I have a great family, a good life, a good brain, good friends, my health.. I never understood why I was unhappy. But chronic depression is something that you don't choose. It's a card you are dealt.

I am lucky to have a doctor I trust. With her help, I am on medication that has taken most of the cloud away. It allows me to wake up in the morning and get up without 20 mins of telling myself I can do it and today is going to be a good day. It has taken away the voice that tells me that leaving this world might be a better option. It has allowed me to cope in a way I never thought I would.

There is help out there, and people on medicine or people in therapy aren't weak. We aren't crazy we are just like you. We have a disease, and luckily we also have a cure. If you need help go get it. If you think a friend woudl benefit from talking to someone tell him/her to take advantage of that health insurance and find a good counselor. Life can be different. I am proof.

From Introspection to Exorcism

It is not very often that I get on here and talk about real life, beyond bullshit observations and funny rants.. but for some reason I feel the need to just lay it on the line right now. Dangerous to do this? probably. I'm not sure who reads this.. and I'm not trying to hurt any feelings, or front publicly on anyone. And if you feel I am doing that to you, my bad.. but don't say shit to me cause for real... I'll pretend like a care, but know that for real for real, I don't.

One of my favorite teachers was Ms. Leddy. She was so wonderful to me. In my five year old mind, I wondered why she didn't wear pants, and dreamed about having a mother, or growing up into a woman with a voice as soft as angelic as hers. She didn't even yell when Colin Gleason fell asleep in class one day. He slept so hard the entire side of his face was red and he had a crease on his cheek from the folder. She also had a sign on her desk told us to always follow the Golden Rule.. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

I had heard the Golden Rule before kindergarten of course, but not growing up the Christian church, it had no basis besides being the guiding rule of the classroom. Treat others like you want to be treated. It seemed pretty solid. Don't take someone else's pencil without asking, cause you don't want anyone to do that to you. Say thank you, because you want other people to say it to you. Be helpful, because you want others to help you. It worked in our classroom... and as I grow up, I realize it is a guiding rule in my life.

The Golden Rule is important in actions of course. As I go through the day, I open doors for people and say please and thank you even when talking to my underlings. I don't argue or curse (at people), or yell or fuss. I try to be the person who I would like to meet. And this has been good for me. My kindness has meant people are kind to me. My friendliness (shut up) has made me some acquaintances and some friends. I have developed a good reputation at home, at work and in life.

The Golden Rule has also become the mandate of my relationships.
And to that end I am fortunate. I have so many friends in my life who follow this rule. Who give of themselves freely, and who simply ask for the same in return. I love that I can call on them and they will call on me. I love that I can be there for them and know that it is not in vain. That no energy or time spent is wasted. The Golden Rule is also called the Ethic of Reciprocity... and to my 27 year old self reciprocity is a non negotiable.

it is not for me to criticize or castigate folks who don't feel the same way. It is not for me to shame or bad mouth anyone who lives by a different creed. The only recourse I have is to choose to accept their differing standard... or not. And I choose not. I choose not to be surrounded by anyone who will only have me around in times of convenience. I will not be the go to, when times are rough, and when times are good.... poof. I am choosing to dedicate my energy to those people who reciprocate efforts and energy. I am choosing to use my energy to build relationships with new people who feel the same way. And so that means there will be casualties, though there is nothing casual about it. There is mourning and grief. There is heartache and pain, but the choice is to lose them or me. and I will not lose me. I cannot.

So cheers to you, my nearest and dearest. Here is to nights well spent, and priceless conversation. Inside jokes and returned favors. I love you. I really do.