Ugh, your baby stinks...

...and he's sticking to the carpet... no seriously.. that dried juice on his face is tangled in the Berber..

So, I work in a middle school, where on any given day a child is hygienically challenged. They stink, they have on dirty clothes, nasty hair, even food all over their faces. Disgusting, I tell you... but I can understand how adjusting to hormones and the subsequent funk can allude a child every once in a while.

But one thing I hate MORE than when tweens are dirty is when babies are disgusting. You know, that baby with hair all over its head that has little bits of fuzz in it, and they have some sort of pudding/applesauce/ice cream/kool-aid ring around their mouth that has more fuzz stuck to it. Then you look and they have on a dingy stretched out onesy, unsnapped at the bottom, with a myriad of stains, detailing their activity for the last day (or two). This is especially reprehensible at public events, in public or when someone is having people over. Yeah, Johnny might be cute, but i am not touching that walking/crawling/slobbering bacteria factory. You must clean your child... not just daily, sometimes its hourly, sometimes minutely... cause babies are gross.. they throw up, spill shit, just plain shit.. throw things all over themselves, wipe all kinds of everything on their bodies and faces and rarely do they stop to take a visit to the faucet to wash up just a bit, or into their room to find the new t-shirt under the bassinet.

I know, I know.. Spidey, you dont have any kids... how dare you speak on how I keep my child??? Well, I don't have a dog, but I definately know that mange and fleas are unacceptable.. get a groomer or don't buy a pet.. clean your kid or close your legs... its just that simple...

So... you can feel free to keep your child as dirty as ever... because 99% of the time, i wont be in their company anyway (remember.. i dont do children under 12)... but if I have to see them at Christmas/Easter/Baby Shower/church/when you bring them up to parent teacher conference night cause you dont have a babysitter.. wipe their damn face before you get out of the car/bus!! I don't want to judge you... but i will :-)

For more information... visit here. :-)