There is no floor

Depression numbs you. It makes happiness a bird with a broken wing. Excitement is illusive. Euphoria a hallucination that people talk about, but you know can't be real.  Unfortunately, the numb that comes from depression, doesn't numb any pain. It lets the pain settle into the crevices of your body. Sadness that burrows so deep into your soul, it carries its way through your bones like calcium, through your blood like oxygen, through your cells like water. It seeps into your muscles, cramping them without a workout in sight.  It doesn't numb anything worth numbing. It only dampens motivation, productivity, optimism, love.  the darkness goes so deep and the fogs looms so thick, the fall is so precipitous, you realize there is no floor. This rollercoaster isnt a fun 1 minute ride that whooshes you to a slow stop, where you can catch your breath and walk off for the next attraction. This rollercoaster twists and turns and dips and dives and freefalls, on repeat. The slow parts feel just like the slow inch up to the roller coasters peak.. where anxiety is your master. And then

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Beth Joy said...

Sending you love. I remember that feeling all to well!

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