Or better yet, Sustenance.
Today, I went to see Eat Pray Love with two of my lovies and it was the best ever. It was an experience that made me really think about my life, about the lessons I need to learn, about devotion and about how well I am feeding myself in those three areas. It took me back into myself in a way the last month of craziness has distracted me from.
First, Julia Roberts is so cute. Second, as she wandered through those countries I wondered when the last time I put myself out of my comfort zone. When was the last time I stepped outside my box and found something new to enjoy... and I realize.. I do that alot. I allow myself to follow a whim and enjoy the moment. I feel the discomfort and then let it work for me.
I thought about how awesome my life is and how working on me has paid off. I think I still struggle with falling to hard and believing things that aren't real, but I have to understand that that's just me... .I h ave to forgive myself and I have to just be glad that my emotions are true and my heart is open.
I need to slow down and savor the small moments and cherish those things dear to me.. because I do think that life is in the small moments..
I felt so emotionally connected to the scenes and the messages and the moments that I must see it again. I need to own it.. I need to just enjoy each frame and each scene and smile and cry as I need to. And at the end know that just like Elizabeth Gilbert.. I'm ready to crossover :-)
Got me doing things I never do....
Single. I've tried it. I've liked it. I am enjoying it right now. I am still single and loving my life. But my eye has been caught. Something about her. Something about the way she moves and talks... her hair and her smile.. Something about how she busts my balls and then asks me for help. Something about her just makes me want to lay down the pimp card. Makes me wanna just retire the roster and devote that energy to special moments. To first dates and sweet surprises.. to making her smile. She is smart and good at what she does. She is independent and doesn't play games. She is honest and sweet. She knows what she wants and makes me feeeeeel great. She smells like heaven.. euphoria to be exact. But Im not willing to take it fast and jump in head first.. I dont want to spend the night or sleep with her. I just want to hang out.. I want to take her on a first date to somewhere fun that will make her smile.. I want to share little moments and show her my favorite spot in the world. I want to read books in bed and force her to watch my favorite shows.. I want to dance at the club and then kiss her goodnight.
to put it most simply... I'm sprung.
And I'm perfectly okay with that....
to put it most simply... I'm sprung.
And I'm perfectly okay with that....
Quote of the Weekend:
Person 1: You know, I've always heard that fat girls give the best head?
Person 2:Hell yeah makes sense.. they fat cause they like to eat in the first place. Its just eating a d*ck..
smh!
Person 2:Hell yeah makes sense.. they fat cause they like to eat in the first place. Its just eating a d*ck..
smh!
I hit the G-Spot on the Ocoee River
Soooo on Saturday, my church sponsored a group to go White Water Rafting at the Ocoee River in Tennessee.. I signed up a while ago and honestly in the middle of planning for the school year I hadn't thought about the trip until Friday... In my infinite wisdom, I decide that going out on Friday night was an awesome idea... that and a hot chic was going, sooooo you know I was down... So I go out Friday night.. and have a GREAT time.. food for another post... and get home at 4:00am.
****SIDEBAR**** I didnt get to sleep until 4:30 because I made the bombass gourmet grilled cheese... Pumpernickle bread with onion and caraway with olive oil on the bread instead of butter, filled with colby jack and cheddar cheese and then oooh schnap.. that is not it... I also added some great no nitrate smoked pepper turkey meat... 4 mins on the George Foreman and I was in drunken sleep heaven.. YES!!!
So I set the alarm to 6:30 understanding this is going to be a beast of a wake up call... and the alarm goes off and I snooze to the very last moment... and as I'm putting my clothes on my homie buzzes from the gate (I am such a good friend that I am taking my homie to the train so she can get to the airport).. So I'm up and at 'em.. and SO tired
But you dont want to hear about the einsteins bagel I ate, or the Lexus truck I rode in.. or the 2 hr ride.. You wanna hear about the action..so HERE WE GO!!
Our guide's name was Lauren.. She was a cute as a button woman with perfect teeth and trendy sunglasses who seemed more like a city girl than a white water raft mountain girl... Not to mention the fact that she had on a skirt... Talk about gangsta... I'm white water rafting in this skirt.. you better ask somebody.. So needless to say Lauren was already impressive...
So we get our instructions take our places in the boat and launch ourselves into the beauty of the Ocoee... We drift into what they call Bush Gardens... which made me giggle because something about all the stroking, and wet, and harder talk just made it seem kinda.. umm... risque...
LOL So we are riding along and Lauren managed to steer us into every single bush, rock, tree, embankment on the river.. I asked her.. "Is that a hidden camera in your glasses because I swear you are trying to make us the blooper reel..." I was worried this whole thing was gonna be a bumpy ride...
But as Im rowing myself down with my crew and looking at the rocks and trees and the river I realize this is perfect...
Someone asked Lauren about herself and come to find out she does it all.. She can steer a raft through Class 5 rapids (more on that later)... rent out a house, work at a hostel, do interior design and I'm sure that there was something else... So she's pretty much kick ass... don't let the skirt fool ya.. Lauren knows what she's doing... (maybe) LOL
Soooo hit the class 3 rapids..cool... a little wet, but I'm good... Class 4 rapids we decide to start calling out the strokes... Not with 1,2 like the other rafts.. .We are gonna scream "Stroke it, Stroke it" LMAO... So we Stroke it Stroke it.. and Lauren says Faster!! HAHAHAHA SO we add on Deeper, Harder, Longer....
We are going and going and we come to the bridge where the Olympic kayaking route was built in 1996... so this isn't a baby rapid... This is some for real Olympian ish.. I am already feeling like I am on Team USA!! WOOT WOOT....
So Lauren preps us.. this is NONSTOP rowing through the rapids.. there are safety lines if we fall out, buuuut that isn't gonna happen.. we are STROKIN IT!!!! We drift our raft towards our Class 5 rapid... and Its fun... Faster water.. stronger current.. im getting wetter and wetter (ha)... Lauren's calling out the strokes....
2 Forward
"stroke it, stroke it"
All forward
"stroke it, stroke it"
Harder
Harder
Faster
Faster
Deeper
Deeper
YES
YES
YES
YES
YES
YES
GET DOWN!!!!
Wait.. what??? I'm looking all around and everyone is down.. so I try to get down and then I feel the boat moving... no control... somethings about to happen...
STROKE IT
YES
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES We hit that G-SPOT in the hydraulic and
Wait Wait WaiT!!! The boat is not flat.. there is nothing under us... I'm horizontal.. oooooh schnap...
boooom I fly underwater... I'm soaking wet.. damn
I'm remembering the safety rules (because Lauren was so awesome in explaining them) Keep my nose and toes above water.. and let the water take you to safety.. grab the rope...
I find the rocks and keep my legs up... cautious not to let my knees get all scrapped up.. that is not sexy...
and there is a group of me reaching for me... I see one rope and can't grab it.. I see a paddle but can't grab it.. Mostly because one guy is screaming "SWIM, GIRL, SWIM!!! SWIM BABY"
Oh shit sir... am I supposed to be swimming.. I thought this was a jacuzzi.. Okay ass.. damn this is Class 5 rapids.. aint so easy...
But I get up on the rocks and realize.. I JUST HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE!!! THAT WAS SOOOO EFFIN COOL!!!! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE WHITE WATER RAFTING!!!
SO I look frantically for my crewmates and we find each other and find out that everyone is okay and I'm pissed cause I';m thinking damn... wipe out... trip's over.. this SUCKS!
But a minute later..
OKAY!! We need 2 paddlers.. who's ready to go back in...
ME ME!!! I see Lauren at the helm and jump right in the boat ready to take on the OCOEE!!!
No paddle.. its somewhere down the river LOL But it's on!!!
We continue to raft... we find the rest of our crew and hit the rest of the rapids... sooo exhilirated by everything that we had been through and the fun of it all..
Author's Note: Lauren managed to NOT get tipped out of the boat, despite the rest of us biting the big one (ha another sex joke) .. and not because she was trying to save us.. .Only because she didnt wanna have to buy a case of beer.. No Swim Beer for Lauren.. I told ya she's a beast LOL
So we end up riding the awesome drift back to shore and realize that we have just been the luckiest crew ever... The river was rough.. the rocks were plenty, but we made it.. and we made it together...
Lauren is the awesomest.. and I'll never forget her because she was definitely a part of the best day of my entire life!!! :-))
****SIDEBAR**** I didnt get to sleep until 4:30 because I made the bombass gourmet grilled cheese... Pumpernickle bread with onion and caraway with olive oil on the bread instead of butter, filled with colby jack and cheddar cheese and then oooh schnap.. that is not it... I also added some great no nitrate smoked pepper turkey meat... 4 mins on the George Foreman and I was in drunken sleep heaven.. YES!!!
So I set the alarm to 6:30 understanding this is going to be a beast of a wake up call... and the alarm goes off and I snooze to the very last moment... and as I'm putting my clothes on my homie buzzes from the gate (I am such a good friend that I am taking my homie to the train so she can get to the airport).. So I'm up and at 'em.. and SO tired
But you dont want to hear about the einsteins bagel I ate, or the Lexus truck I rode in.. or the 2 hr ride.. You wanna hear about the action..so HERE WE GO!!
Our guide's name was Lauren.. She was a cute as a button woman with perfect teeth and trendy sunglasses who seemed more like a city girl than a white water raft mountain girl... Not to mention the fact that she had on a skirt... Talk about gangsta... I'm white water rafting in this skirt.. you better ask somebody.. So needless to say Lauren was already impressive...
So we get our instructions take our places in the boat and launch ourselves into the beauty of the Ocoee... We drift into what they call Bush Gardens... which made me giggle because something about all the stroking, and wet, and harder talk just made it seem kinda.. umm... risque...
LOL So we are riding along and Lauren managed to steer us into every single bush, rock, tree, embankment on the river.. I asked her.. "Is that a hidden camera in your glasses because I swear you are trying to make us the blooper reel..." I was worried this whole thing was gonna be a bumpy ride...
But as Im rowing myself down with my crew and looking at the rocks and trees and the river I realize this is perfect...
Someone asked Lauren about herself and come to find out she does it all.. She can steer a raft through Class 5 rapids (more on that later)... rent out a house, work at a hostel, do interior design and I'm sure that there was something else... So she's pretty much kick ass... don't let the skirt fool ya.. Lauren knows what she's doing... (maybe) LOL
Soooo hit the class 3 rapids..cool... a little wet, but I'm good... Class 4 rapids we decide to start calling out the strokes... Not with 1,2 like the other rafts.. .We are gonna scream "Stroke it, Stroke it" LMAO... So we Stroke it Stroke it.. and Lauren says Faster!! HAHAHAHA SO we add on Deeper, Harder, Longer....
We are going and going and we come to the bridge where the Olympic kayaking route was built in 1996... so this isn't a baby rapid... This is some for real Olympian ish.. I am already feeling like I am on Team USA!! WOOT WOOT....
So Lauren preps us.. this is NONSTOP rowing through the rapids.. there are safety lines if we fall out, buuuut that isn't gonna happen.. we are STROKIN IT!!!! We drift our raft towards our Class 5 rapid... and Its fun... Faster water.. stronger current.. im getting wetter and wetter (ha)... Lauren's calling out the strokes....
2 Forward
"stroke it, stroke it"
All forward
"stroke it, stroke it"
Harder
Harder
Faster
Faster
Deeper
Deeper
YES
YES
YES
YES
YES
YES
GET DOWN!!!!
Wait.. what??? I'm looking all around and everyone is down.. so I try to get down and then I feel the boat moving... no control... somethings about to happen...
STROKE IT
YES
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES We hit that G-SPOT in the hydraulic and
Wait Wait WaiT!!! The boat is not flat.. there is nothing under us... I'm horizontal.. oooooh schnap...
boooom I fly underwater... I'm soaking wet.. damn
I'm remembering the safety rules (because Lauren was so awesome in explaining them) Keep my nose and toes above water.. and let the water take you to safety.. grab the rope...
I find the rocks and keep my legs up... cautious not to let my knees get all scrapped up.. that is not sexy...
and there is a group of me reaching for me... I see one rope and can't grab it.. I see a paddle but can't grab it.. Mostly because one guy is screaming "SWIM, GIRL, SWIM!!! SWIM BABY"
Oh shit sir... am I supposed to be swimming.. I thought this was a jacuzzi.. Okay ass.. damn this is Class 5 rapids.. aint so easy...
But I get up on the rocks and realize.. I JUST HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE!!! THAT WAS SOOOO EFFIN COOL!!!! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE WHITE WATER RAFTING!!!
SO I look frantically for my crewmates and we find each other and find out that everyone is okay and I'm pissed cause I';m thinking damn... wipe out... trip's over.. this SUCKS!
But a minute later..
OKAY!! We need 2 paddlers.. who's ready to go back in...
ME ME!!! I see Lauren at the helm and jump right in the boat ready to take on the OCOEE!!!
No paddle.. its somewhere down the river LOL But it's on!!!
We continue to raft... we find the rest of our crew and hit the rest of the rapids... sooo exhilirated by everything that we had been through and the fun of it all..
Author's Note: Lauren managed to NOT get tipped out of the boat, despite the rest of us biting the big one (ha another sex joke) .. and not because she was trying to save us.. .Only because she didnt wanna have to buy a case of beer.. No Swim Beer for Lauren.. I told ya she's a beast LOL
So we end up riding the awesome drift back to shore and realize that we have just been the luckiest crew ever... The river was rough.. the rocks were plenty, but we made it.. and we made it together...
Lauren is the awesomest.. and I'll never forget her because she was definitely a part of the best day of my entire life!!! :-))
How did I almost forget about this...
Today, I'm going to get my hair done and because I've been driving my tail all around the city this weekend, i'm sittin on E... So I go to my local QuikTrip and get my gas.. I have on some cute denim bermuda shorts and a tank top, hair pulled back in a pony tail cause.. it's about to be washed in 20 mins...
So OMG is playing on the radio and I put the pump back up and this old guy, maybe 55 or 60, reminiscent of the man you might see at the security desk in your local skyscraper says...
"Hey gorgeous..."
"Hi... have a great day!"
"Where is your husband?"
"Uhhhh..."
"You not married... Well... I know you got a man..."
"LOL Not exactly..."
"Wait honey, you got to let me give you my number.. go'on head and put my number in your phone.."
"I can't even do that sir," smiling wide.
"How old are you darlin?"
"27..."
"ooh shit you can put my number in there..."
"I can't. I'm sorry," shaking my head slightly, "I don't date men."
"Oh! So you date women?"
*** SIDEBAR**** WHy do niggas ask me this ish EVERY time I say I dont date men? WTF else do you think I date? Goats, giraffes, sloths? What other option is there??? OMG ***
Anyway... back to our story..
"Yes, I date women."
"Ooooh well that's cause you aint never had a man who can hit that spot right..."
"Well actually I have and honestly... I don't really need that spot hit... I'm kinda straight on that"
"oooh nah baby... I'm not talking about that spot... I'm talking about social intercourse.. I can get all up in your mind girl.. get in there with conversation and hit that spot so deep that you won't want me to come out."
"Ummmm that sounds appealing, but you know there is just something about a woman that I kinda need in my life..."
"Nah you don't cause you just need the right man to take care of you right.. I'll find out your wants, needs, and desire and with that mental penetration I'll have you wide open girl... When I just say that right thing and hit that spot with that social intercourse you wont have nothing else to even think about.. you wont ever let me leave... See a lot of women don't know about that how I can penetrate your mind and just get you going with the words I say.. you dont even have to take no clothes off and I'll have you excited and ready... "
"Well, that is intriguing and excellent game... but there's something I like about breasts..."
"Oooh you like titties huh, well you can have those too. .you can still look at those"
***SIDENOTE**** as I write this I wonder.. why the hell I held this long a convo with this mo'fo
"Well no, see I dont wanna just look.. I want them in the bed with me when I wake up and when I go to sleep... I just love the feminine energy"
"oooH shit baby.. Feminine energy.. I can give that to you... Energy is transferrable, so I'll just take it from you and penetrate your mind with it... you already know..."
"LMAO!!!!!! (did he just give me a physics lesson) Sir.. that's not gonna happen.. I'm sorry LOL"
"Oh come on.. just put my number in your phone.. im at least worth a conversation!!!"
"Can't even do it"
"Come on girl!"
I get into my car... close the door... End Scene..
So OMG is playing on the radio and I put the pump back up and this old guy, maybe 55 or 60, reminiscent of the man you might see at the security desk in your local skyscraper says...
"Hey gorgeous..."
"Hi... have a great day!"
"Where is your husband?"
"Uhhhh..."
"You not married... Well... I know you got a man..."
"LOL Not exactly..."
"Wait honey, you got to let me give you my number.. go'on head and put my number in your phone.."
"I can't even do that sir," smiling wide.
"How old are you darlin?"
"27..."
"ooh shit you can put my number in there..."
"I can't. I'm sorry," shaking my head slightly, "I don't date men."
"Oh! So you date women?"
*** SIDEBAR**** WHy do niggas ask me this ish EVERY time I say I dont date men? WTF else do you think I date? Goats, giraffes, sloths? What other option is there??? OMG ***
Anyway... back to our story..
"Yes, I date women."
"Ooooh well that's cause you aint never had a man who can hit that spot right..."
"Well actually I have and honestly... I don't really need that spot hit... I'm kinda straight on that"
"oooh nah baby... I'm not talking about that spot... I'm talking about social intercourse.. I can get all up in your mind girl.. get in there with conversation and hit that spot so deep that you won't want me to come out."
"Ummmm that sounds appealing, but you know there is just something about a woman that I kinda need in my life..."
"Nah you don't cause you just need the right man to take care of you right.. I'll find out your wants, needs, and desire and with that mental penetration I'll have you wide open girl... When I just say that right thing and hit that spot with that social intercourse you wont have nothing else to even think about.. you wont ever let me leave... See a lot of women don't know about that how I can penetrate your mind and just get you going with the words I say.. you dont even have to take no clothes off and I'll have you excited and ready... "
"Well, that is intriguing and excellent game... but there's something I like about breasts..."
"Oooh you like titties huh, well you can have those too. .you can still look at those"
***SIDENOTE**** as I write this I wonder.. why the hell I held this long a convo with this mo'fo
"Well no, see I dont wanna just look.. I want them in the bed with me when I wake up and when I go to sleep... I just love the feminine energy"
"oooH shit baby.. Feminine energy.. I can give that to you... Energy is transferrable, so I'll just take it from you and penetrate your mind with it... you already know..."
"LMAO!!!!!! (did he just give me a physics lesson) Sir.. that's not gonna happen.. I'm sorry LOL"
"Oh come on.. just put my number in your phone.. im at least worth a conversation!!!"
"Can't even do it"
"Come on girl!"
I get into my car... close the door... End Scene..
Life, I wonder
Will it take me under?
Nope, not at all.
On the brink of a new school year, I always like to take time to reflect. A lot has changed in my life in the past few months, and things have changed drastically in the past 12. I look at my life and I am happy with it. I have a wonderful apartment. I have a good group of friends; I work with a great group of teachers. I have developed a strong spiritual practice that has become the foundation of my life.
The most important things that I reflect on right now are some things that I have come to know as true.
1. It's not about me. Other people's feelings, reactions, actions, decisions and preferences are not about me. They are not based in the things I did. They are not my fault.
2. I am responsible for me. I am responsible for the decisions I make, the perspective I have and the beliefs that I have. I am responsible for my emotions and that is a great power and responsibility.
3. My emotions and feelings are NOT who I am. Emotions are an illusion. There is no situation where I HAVE to feel a certain way, and there is always a time for me to decide how I am going to handle my feelings. I am not sadness or depression or anxiety. I am not an anxious, depressed or anxious person.. I am a person who has feelings and who can accept them and release them just as simply..
Number three should be number 1 because it has been so powerful in determining how I live my life moment to moment. I am no longer crippled or halted by bad news or disappointment because I can always focus my beliefs on what I know to be true. The truth is that I am a reflection of God, so there is nothing in this earth that can overwhelm me or take me under. i know that I am love and so I love myself because I am happy with who I am.
As I move into this new school year, I am focused on being more positive and being more understanding that some decisions are tough decisions but they must be made. My intuition is God speaking to me and so I have to listen because by listening I can avoid myself drama.
I am grounded, yet not self centered. I am in love with my life and no whim, decision, moment or afternoon can change that because my core is strong and will not be swayed by the winds of life.
Nope, not at all.
On the brink of a new school year, I always like to take time to reflect. A lot has changed in my life in the past few months, and things have changed drastically in the past 12. I look at my life and I am happy with it. I have a wonderful apartment. I have a good group of friends; I work with a great group of teachers. I have developed a strong spiritual practice that has become the foundation of my life.
The most important things that I reflect on right now are some things that I have come to know as true.
1. It's not about me. Other people's feelings, reactions, actions, decisions and preferences are not about me. They are not based in the things I did. They are not my fault.
2. I am responsible for me. I am responsible for the decisions I make, the perspective I have and the beliefs that I have. I am responsible for my emotions and that is a great power and responsibility.
3. My emotions and feelings are NOT who I am. Emotions are an illusion. There is no situation where I HAVE to feel a certain way, and there is always a time for me to decide how I am going to handle my feelings. I am not sadness or depression or anxiety. I am not an anxious, depressed or anxious person.. I am a person who has feelings and who can accept them and release them just as simply..
Number three should be number 1 because it has been so powerful in determining how I live my life moment to moment. I am no longer crippled or halted by bad news or disappointment because I can always focus my beliefs on what I know to be true. The truth is that I am a reflection of God, so there is nothing in this earth that can overwhelm me or take me under. i know that I am love and so I love myself because I am happy with who I am.
As I move into this new school year, I am focused on being more positive and being more understanding that some decisions are tough decisions but they must be made. My intuition is God speaking to me and so I have to listen because by listening I can avoid myself drama.
I am grounded, yet not self centered. I am in love with my life and no whim, decision, moment or afternoon can change that because my core is strong and will not be swayed by the winds of life.
Best Commercial Ever
And we were so slow.. we mailed away for applications and wrote essays and all that dumb ish!! Epic Fail guys.. Epic Fail
I am here to love you.
This is the blog of new minister of my church and I just loved every word. i hope it warms your heart and reminds you that I'm here to love you, life is here to love you and you are love yourself.
Cosmic Breadcrumbs: I Am Here To Love You
Cosmic Breadcrumbs: I Am Here To Love You