Guess who's bizzack?

Light skinned men!!!!!
Yes! Or maybe they never left. Now I will admit to holding on to the fact that Morris "sexual chocolate" Chestnut is the finest man that has been ever born unto this Earth,
but I must admit... last night I was blessed by seeing hella fine light skinned dudes.. And being enraptured by them.. Like hello..what have I been thinking.. yella might be betta.. light might be right!!!

Actually, in truth, I must say... Light skinned and dark skinned have both always been in. I mean I look at sexy men all the time and they have a nice range.. I guess I don't really have a type.. maybe a type that I like to date and be serious with... but if we are just talking about sexy... hmmmm I've been known to call out white dudes who (if I were devoid of my own personal standards of conduct) I would take in the back for about..hmmm say...15 mins. 20...alright 45..

For example.. Dr. McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy. Forget McDreamy. I'm talking about McSteamy...

Holla!!!! This is officially my boo and i hear that he is coming back to Grey's Anatomy next season.. so I can get my vanilla fix every THURSDAY (cause GA is changing its schedule, take note) I don't mind a little leche in my cafe! Teehee

Ahh.. all this to say I love sexy men.. white black yellow puertorican or haitian.....holla!!

Something about the style, the swagger, voice, good conversation, pretty teeth, a nice behind, a style of dress.. any and all can make a gentleman drop dead sexy... and also... sexy abs.. 6 or 8 packs.. dont hurt, not even a little :-D

Ahh and my secret lust.. men with glasses.. put them on.. wear them proud.. Myopics of the world.. unite.

Did I also mention I love a nerd... yes!!

Sweet Home Chicago

Ahhhh this last week has been a whirlwind!

Recap: Road trip from Georgia to Illinois. It was my first roadtrip and I had a good time. We made it through Georgia, Tennessee, and Kentucky and saw some interesting sights. Okay not really, but it was really pretty going through the mountains. We stopped at the Caesars Indiana Casino and Resort and gambled and went away with nothing. I am convinced the only way to look at casinos is as expensive arcades.. but I know video poker is clearly more addictive and the quarter lasts not nearly as long as Ms. Pacman. Either way I had a good time and met a nice guy who hit the royal flush and bought us long islands.. Fabulous night..

Then another 4 hours through Indiana and welcome to Chicago!!!

Chicago, Chicago, My Kinda Town!

Up in the Club!

Last night I was in the club with my girls, juking to the hottest jams. We got in free, which is always nice and had a couple drinks that were overpriced but did the trick. Then I'm dancing doing my thing to some Michael Jackson tunes (pre-litigation of course) and a man comes behind me.. and I'm dancing, he's dancing behind me.. alright cool.. and then I notice something protruding into my back..

Talk about a buzzkill.

Why do guys do this? I mean I know why they do it... clearly, it's a lapdance without having to travel to Strokers or Bodytap and in most cases without having to spend any money cause these dudes are rarely trying to buy drinks. But it's not a nice thing to do, or a gentlemanly thing to do at all. Now, maybe I am just picky and I could be in the minority. There could be a huge population of women who loooove feeling a penis poking into them as they dance.. and even better feeling the guy angle himself and them in the perfect way to better help him with his erection.

But I just can't get past it being kinda icky. Okay Okay, let me not be totally holier than thou.. I have been known to enjoy it when it's one of my suitors or someone I want to be my suitor.. then we can bump and grind all night long boo... But random dudes in the club do not do it for me and I guess the problem is for guys to discriminate between the two. Or maybe they don't care.. any booty is good booty?

Now do not get me wrong.. I love to dance.. and I will dance at the club with guys and we can sway and two step, step, dance close, slow dance, wind, back it up.. all of these things, and be perfectly happy as long as said gentleman can keep the beat and keep himself in check.. self control. It should be kinda embarrasing.. I mean if I'm dancing and my breasts pop out.. im not just going to rub them against folks in the club.. I'm gonna take a step back and handle myself.

Meh. Maybe this is something we can't solve and maybe if I don't want penis protruding into my backside, I should stop being so gosh darn pretty, amazingly sexy and exceedingly fly on the dance floor. Maybe it's a great compliment.. Something like. "Shawtay, you are so hot.. that i want to be intimate with you in any way possible... even if its just this slow grind."

Awww, but on another note, there was this guy in the club last night and I told him I was leaving town in two days so there was no hope for us. And he says the cutest thing. "Well, I want to write you. " Awwwwwwww.. Most dudes cant manage to call when they say, but he wants to write... how heartwarming. Then i remembered that I didn't find him attractive and decided not to waste his time. But that was nice.

There are plenty fish in the sea and the wonderful thing is.. all I need is one!

I Almost Forgot!!!

OMG.. Clearly this graduating, getting an apartment, stuff has made me far far too serious. All this Red State, friendship stuff.. and I have neglected the most important thing that happened this week...


Yes! Yes! Yes! I spent all season rooting for Danielle, even when they said that she was too country and couldn't speak clearly enough. Explaining that accents are sooo bad.. when Twiggy's British twang is celebrated and Nnenna's Nigerian accent was appreciated.. Well give it up for Country girls everywhere.. You too can be a Covergirl.

Tyra's crazy anyway.. one minute talking about how you can never make it with a gap and making Danielle get it closed.. (it was one hell of a valley between those two front teeth) But then on her show saying how Bobby Brown was so brave to keep his gap and be successful.. Damn.. I mean Danielle is at least attractive.. Bobby ain't no kinda sexy!

Congratulations to Danielle.. for all the brown skinned girls as one of my friends said.. And.. I can't wait till season err excuse me.. cycle 7 (?) so i can see how her life is as a Covergirl!!!!!

Get it Danielle.. and I'm sure we'll see Joanie and Jade around.. one of my friends said.. We'll be sure to see Jade in all the usuals... King, XXL, BlackTail LOL

HAHAHA Happy Friday

What about your friends?

Right after I graduated high school my cousin asked me who my best friend was? I listed the names of my homies from 7 grade until graduation and he shook his head and said.. "You can only have one best friend.. I bet once you leave for school, you will realize that you only have one." This combined with the common proclomation that "If you have one good friend in life, you are lucky," makes me wonder, am I in denial? I dont think that I am imagining that I have a handful of great friends that I love and love me. Why are people so pessimistic when it comes to friendship? and why do they pass on that pessimism?

I have never just had one friend. Sure as a kid, I had my mandatory best friend who slept over my house and called me on the weekend to go to the movies with her mom, but as I've become any semblance of an adult, i have had a gaggle of friends. Friends who have come and gone, and some who have stuck around.

Granted, I have been burned. I am not untouchable when it comes to confronting the heartache of one of your friends saying something hurtful or untrue behind your back, or simply realizing that someone who you were once close with no longer wants to continue that closeness.. Betrayal and distance suck when it comes to friendship, but does it mean I should be grateful for just one friend who is true. With more than 5 billion people on earth, one friend seems like a shame. Besides we need different friends for different reasons.

I have friends who are soooo much fun to be around that its crazy and we can just hang out all day doing absolutely anything or nothing at all and it is going to be a blast!! The Hangout Homies I call them (im definately making these names up right now, LOL I've never used these terms before and prolly will never use them again).

Then I have friends who I can tell anything. Who I can call crying and know they will be sensitive and supporting, sweet and kind regardless of how silly, immature or insane my dilemma may be. They will be there. They are my Supportive Sistahs and everyone needs someone who will have your back and keep your confidence at all times...

Then of course, the most delightful to me is the Truth Tellers, those friends who will give you the truth straight up all the time, regardless.. if your haircut is ugly, they tell you.. ,if your boyfriend is a mess, they tell you.. if you gained some weight they say... Yes you do look fat in those pants and you are crazy for continuing to call him when he aint calling you back. They will just give it to you straight up.. Like taking a shot, these friends can burn you but make you feel great in the longrun.. These are my favorite cause at least you always know where they stand.. and we always need a dose of reality, which is why these ladies are my Reality Roaddogs!

And then there are those friends who appeal to our darker sides.. Those friends who will make you go out with them drinking even though you have to be up for work at 6:30am. They will convince you to take a puff, when you know you shouldnt.. tell you to call back that guy who you gave your number to a while back.. who is just now getting back to you because he was "upstate" because "it might be fun." Those friends who tell you to hook up with your ex because we all have needs.. And the best part about these friends is that they will be there when their illfated advice goes all wrong.... so you dont feel so bad about it! These women are known as my Peer Pressure Partners!!!

Bottom Line: One friend is not enough.. we all need a bunch of friends to keep it interesting. We can't trust everyone, nor should we and this all comes with a dose of common sense..but make freinds, treat them well, enjoy time spent and be a good friend yourself cause a posse is one of the best treats life has to offer.

Red States

When I decided to move to Atlanta, I guess I had the wrong picture in mind. The rap videos conjured up images of a nice nightlife, a good population of black folks, some educated.. and the warm weather that obviously beat out the blistering Chicago winters.

The media fooled me, but I cannot exactly say I was duped into moving here. Looking back I realize I had fair warning. When W. won the election in 2004, I was down here. I watched the results and sat cold, shook by sadness and fear of what was to come.. and anger that more people in this country could not see it. In the poll results, I saw that Illinois, where I am from and Pennsylvania, where I did my four undergraduate years were both boldly blue.. and Georgia, eerily red.

But moving down here that summer, I wasnt thinking about that ominous Tuesday in November. I was thinking hot fun in the summertime, 75% off tuition and fun fun fun. Now, I have to admit that living in a red state is hard for a number of reasons.

1. I see confederate flags all the time. As a black woman, seeing those proud symbols of the Confederacy is difficult. They pop up all the time as bumper stickers, decals and front license plats on cars.. T-shirts and mugs in stores and most disgustingly, outside alot of municipal buildings in the area. I know its the glory of good ol' Dixie, but Dixie and cotton and slavery and chains all kinda run together in my head.. and it does not warm my heart to be confronted with such images.

2. People down here still debate about teaching Creationism...excuse me Intelligent Design..along with evolution in schools. Ummm. NO! Plain and simple, I dont care what your religious background may be, but I do know that those tenets should not be included in our science classes because after all...God is a matter of faith, not the scientific procedure, theory or trial and error. Creationism belongs in church, not schools. As teacher, I will never, ever, ever teach it.

3. This what to do regarding a same sex marriage amendment. In 2004, voters passed an amendment making same sex marriage illegal by a margin of 3-1. A judge overturned the amendment this week on a technicality and now Gov. Sonny Purdue is saying if the appeal to GA Supreme Court is not successful, then there will be a special session of GA legislature called to rectify the matter and put the issue on the ballot again in November. WTF?

I hate living in a state that so blatantly hates people, and so fervently fights to strip them of rights. Why all of this amendment stuff when there is already a law against same sex marriages in the first place. Lets just put the nail in the coffin so that there is no chance for deviant homosexuals to love on another in any official capacity?? Is it that serious? Clearly to some, but why?

I am all signed up to work down here.. and ready to teach the children of GA, but I saddened by it all... and sometimes miss my Blue State roots. But I will vote in every election and hope that one day this Red State may choke on its hate and turn

Devastating News

Yes.. devastating..

My cousin had a baby last year who is my ultimate! I mean I love this little baby girl too much.. I call her even though she cant talk.. and I buy her clothes to keep her fresh in the game.. you know.. she's hot to death... I also refer to her as my daughter.. cause I mean.. why not.. all the perks of saying I have a kid without having to raise one at all LOL..

Neither here nor there..

Here is the devastating news.. My mom comes down to ATL for my graduation and drops the bomb... My sweet little precious baby girl is afraid of.. GET THIS... PEOPLE WITH GLASSES!!!!
what? glasses?
yes.. I heard my mom right.. people with glasses. that includes me. I ALWAYS wear glasses.. faithfully! and when people have on glasses around her.. she cries!! I'ma have to babysit her blind..

here I am.. all winter and fall waiting for the summer when I can play with her and now I cant do it being the real me.. I'm this shell of a me.. with no glasses...

two words....

womp, womp.

No, I mean I REALLY wish I could...

give you the feeling I had tonight. It was amazing. In every way. One of those nights that i will relive in my mind over and over and hope that it leads to other nights that can be just as perfect.
Wow. If not, i will always have this night.. and the memory of this feeling.


Saturday is today... my family is coming into town.
Sunday is Mother's Day. I dont have a gift.
Monday is graduation.. I have to BE there at 7:15am.

This will either be a whirlwind of fun and excitement... or 72 hours of insanity.
I guess it could possibly be both.
I'm going to keep on my rose colored glasses.. and keep them half full with alcohol :-D

Happy Weekend.

Akeelah and the Bee

Akeelah and the Bee!!

FABULOUS!! Just when you think Black movies are all about street livin and gettin a man.. This movie is the absolute best. I loved it! I can't wait for the DVD. Hell I cant wait to have daughters to show them the DVD.. although I'm sure that by the time I have kids DVDs will be obsolete and i'm sure 3D pixels will dance throughout the room acting the movie out.. i digress.

It was such a great movie. Funny, inspirational and wholesome. No bitches or hoes. No gratuitous sex. Just a cute black girl who knows how to S-P-E-L-L!

The best part though was seeing Ike and Tina back together again... Okay, Laurence Fishburne and Angela Bassett, but I must admit I was waiting for Larry to say... "What the prollem is Akeelah???"

Go see it!

101 in 1001

Okay, so I realized I'll be 30 in less than 1001 days. So I am doing this thingy right here to complete 101 things in 1001 days, which will allow me the time to really accomplish them and commit myself to them. Some things are big.. some are small. Some I really want to do for myself and some are things that I know I should do for others. All in all... This is my plan until 30.
The Mission: Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.
The Criteria: Tasks must be specific (i.e., no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (i.e., represent some amount of work on my part).
Start Date: Monday, November 23, 2009

End Date: Monday, August 20, 2012

Here ya go!! :-)

in Progress

1. Create a list of 101 things to do in 101 days.
2. Take the Mensa Test
3. Work out 25 days of one month. (March 2010.. get ready) I started bootcamp today!! 2/28 DONE- March 28, 2010
4. Read War and Peace. or some other classic that other folks should read.
5. Learn to cook good mac and cheese, and cook it all by myself.  DONE- Easter 2011
6. Meditate everyday for 30 days. Restart August 4, 2010
7. Write 10 letters to my pals. 5/10
8. Apply to Harvards Ed. L. D. program  DONE- December 14, 2011
9. Take 10 dance classes in 3 months.
10. Take A Cooking Class 
11. Cook a new meal each week for 4 weeks.
12. Call my aunts just because.
13. Pay off my credit cards. 1/2 way there!!
14. Pay off my car.
15. Pay off my Emory Student Loan.
16. Cut off all of my relaxed hair. Done March 8, 2011
17. Learn how to style my hair in its natural state.
18. Get a hot stone beachfront massage. DONE- January 5, 2012- Mexico 
19. Take a scrapbooking class.
20. Create a scrapbook for my mom's bday. - DONE  December 25, 2010
21. Take a train from Atlanta to somewhere new.
22. Update my resume.
23. Apply for a teacher abroad program.
24. whiten teeth.
25. Throw a dinner party for my besties in Atlanta.
26. Contribute to all of my babygirls and babyboys college funds.
27. Go on a cruise.
28. go to a cabin in the mountain.  DONE- July 07, 2011
29. Go to Yellowstone/Grand Canyon.

30. Make a fire in the fireplace.- DONE!!! December 12, 2010 :-)  It was beautiful.. despite the fact i made myself take a breather every 20 minutes because I was worried that I was going to die of carbon monoxide poisoning... hahaha.. but it was all fine :-)

31. Go to the top of the Sears Tower and stand on that scary glass bottom thing.- August 20, 2010.. did it for my 28th!

32. Eat 5 new foods. 5/5 I tried Gnocci 6/10/10, Carolina Baby Back Ribs 7/9/10, Lad Na Noodles, 7.23.10, Curry chicken salad this week.  Cactus Salad 1/5/2012, 

33. Jump in my car and drive to a new place. Done July 9, 2010- Raleigh, NC Okay it was totally planned, but I doubt I'll ever just hit the road LOL

34. Do 20 creative writing prompts and share 3 with people. began 11.29.09 (hard!)  Complete Gospel Stage Play with Lindsey

35. 'Unplug' for one whole weekend - no cell phone, no Internet, no TV, no computer DDONE- July 2011

36. Devote 101 hours of volunteering. 13/101

37. Add a Passport Stamp- DONE January 2, 2012 

38. at least ONE time, when you need help with something that you don't want to bother anyone with...ask for help.
39. take change and convert it into money/gift cards.
40. spend all gift cards. Olive Garden/Express/Coconuts (is this still open?)
41. Blog everyday for 30 days.
42. Do not eat out for 1 entire month.
43. Make 3 new homies. (This is going pretty well) 4/3 Hi Candace, Kimberly and Shamica, Tiko,  HA!! My friends have changed so drastically since the beginning of this.. Terri, Crystal, L Diddy, Mo... 
44. Go 1 week without going online (except for work).
45. Launch teaching blog for real.  DONT WANT TO DO THIS
46. 10 random acts of kindness. 4.1.10 10/10 Toll booth, donuts for fire fighters, trash to the recycle bin.. etc 
47. Send a birthday card to all of my friends.

48. See A Christmas Carol on stage. December 15, 2011- With my Baby! 

49. See a new Broadway play. Here we come.. Fences w/ Denzel DONE!! 6/24/10
50. Go on a picnic
51. Go Rock climbing (lightweight)- DONE-March 13, 2010!
52. Write in a journal 30 days in a row.
53. Go to a planetarium.
54. Get a crash course in car stuff... where does the oil go? how do I change a tire? etc etc
55. invest some money in something.
56. Go to Vegas.
57. Recycle. Still going.. Made my first recycling trip 3.29.10, 4.26.10, 6.12.10
58. Do not gossip for 1 week.
59. Do not curse for 2 weeks.
60. spend 1 day in silence.
61. go to church 4 sundays in a row. AND COUNTING
62. take a CPR class -

63. take 4 yoga classes (see whats really good with it). 4/4, 6/6, 6/13, 6/20, I LOVE IT.. Trying to figure out how to continue doing it more but cheaply LOL
64. Develop a business plan to prepare myself if i want to be my own boss.

65. Tip 100% to a really good waiter/waitress- DONE, 7/10... she was super cute.
66. Write down a mission statement for my life.
Go to the Botanical Garden.
68. Go to Fat Matts and get some bbq!!
69. Too private for you to know!! DONE. 7.29... n.r.
70. Ride a mechanical bull,.
71. Concoct a signature Spidey drink- Tentatively called The Tasty Wasty.. get it? hahaha- DONE!!!- At my housewarming, I made a delicious plum beverage 7/31/10

72. Talk to a stranger every day for a week. DONE!!!
73. Eat at 10 new restaurants. "The Pit" 07.09.10, Taco Mac, 7.26.10, Harry and Sons, 7.24.10, Joey Ds, 8.2.10,  Steel 11.24.10,  Wet Willies, Com, Pappasittos, Vietnamese restaurant in NYC, 
Peaches in Bed Stuy,  DONE!!!

74. Write a thank you note for a service I appreciated. Paula at FOR EYES is AMAZING!!
75. Fly first class. Treated myself to this New Years Day! 2011 :-)  AMAZING
76. Get a new computer.. don't know if I want a mac.  Got a PC  April 2011.  Like it.
77. Finish a 5k in less than 30 mins    31:32  10.2.10  35:13 05.07.11
78. Finish a half marathon. period
79. Build an emergency fund. 3 months salary.
80. Go roller skating
81. Have a kick ass birthday party.  DONE!!  August 28, 2010  yes.. go 28
82. Delete my MySpace account. - DONE!!11/27/09 Who needs Myspace anyway?
83. Find a reliable and relatable mental health professional. DONE!! 03/11/10
84. Sign up for the bone marrow registry. DONE 5/2010
85. Visit Dermatologist and get to the bottom of all this face stuff
86. Write a proposal for an educational text.
87. Truly commit to my lifetime commitment. (active in 2 ways)
88. Ride on a motorcycle. (this scares the begeezus out of me.) - asked coworker waiting till Spring
89. Donate Blood (this scares the begeezus out of me)
90. Serious multistate roadtrip
91. Go skiing- April 2012 - Denver
92. Visit a vineyard DONE!!!  12.17.10  Wolf Mountain Vineyard... AWESOME. Georgia Wine Country in Dahlonega is great and I learned sooo much!
93. GO one week without caffeine - DONE July 2011
94. 21 day fiscal fast
95. learn how to make something "complicated" from scratch (like gnocchi, or risotto)
96. give my leftovers from a restaurant to a homeless person (especially if you don't want the leftovers, there is no need to throw them away...if there isn't anyone around, just leave it neatly on the side of a garbage can for someone to find. DONE- December 15, 2011
97. tell a strange man who is being inappropriate that he is, in fact, being inappropriate
98. Finish my Happiness Project
99. when you are thinking of someone you care about but haven't spoken to in a long time, pick up the phone and call them that instant. DONE!- Called my Line Sister! (2.22.10)
100. Decorate a Munny doll!!
101. -the next time you go through a toll booth, also pay for the person behind you DONE - 6.12.10  Did it twice!  5/2011

I totally want to thank all of my lovies for helping me with this list. I love you all so much! You are my amazings.. and I see so many things in you that I wanna be and I am so glad that I have you in my life. :-) just knowing you are there is enough to make me smile on the craziest days!

Get in my business

I am in recovery. I am a recovering snoop. The urge to know (even when I don't know what I'm going to be knowing) used to control me more than every other compulsion. I guess this blog is retribution for past sins. Allowing people to nose around in my personal business, and random musings.

But mostly its cause my friend said.. start one. So, here it is.