Snow Day

I learned a lot about myself through my Snow Week.

1. I could never work from home.
2. I should probably never be a stay at home mom.
3. I kinda dig hanging out with myself cause I'm pretty awesome.

but I think the biggest take away was something that just came to me like a lightbulb moment. I was sitting there and I was thinking... and and the thought popped into my head.. "I want a dad."  In a lot of ways I feel like I've never had a dad. I feel like it's a relationship I never got to have. It's hard because when I was a kid I always thought I could patch things up with my dad. I thought we'd get to have some deliverance moment where we could talk and see each other eye to eye.  I thought I'd get to be daddy's little girl again, but then in a blink of an eye, your life changes.. and some life changes aren't temporary.. some can't be brought back on track.There are some things that change in a minute but last your whole life time.  I'll never get to see my dad again. I'll never get to remember what he sounds like or smells like or looks like.. I'll never have that.  And I wish I hadn't taken it for granted.  He used to call and I would be so mad... mad that he only called once a week, made that his birthday cards came late. Mad that he would ask me things that I felt like he should know, cause he was my dad and dad's should know where field trips are and what i'm doing.   I remember he came to school late to pick me up and i would just be fuming.  I was mad. I was sad.  I was angry. I was hurt.  I was too young to understand and appreciate anything.   And there is no one to call and talk to or to explain it to because I can't make a new dad, or find one on the street. so I have to mend that hole in my heart by myself. It also makes me think about having my own child and would I be wrong to have a child when there isn't a dad there to do the same things I am mentioning.

Earth shaking Snow Day today kids.    Shrug.

Snow Day Take Away 4:  Michael Jackson, the Experience is so much more fun to watch other people play LOL

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