New Friends

Sometimes i think it's easier to find a new job, find a new boo and find a new apartment than to find a new friend. Moving from here to there has left me at a dearth of female friends who I really like to hang out with and feel like I can be myself around... So I am trying to make new friends... but how do you do that without being creepy? I mean I wish it was as easy as being a kid when you could say "wanna be my friend?" and that was done.. you didnt have to do anything else... You could sit next to someone at school 3 days in a row and then not do anything else. BAM we are BFFs.

I have always found it difficult to make friends. I dont think I have been in very many situations where I have had to take initiative to make a friend. I just used to go to school and eventually you are friends... or you work at a job in the summer and BOOM we are friends... because in most situations everyone is in same boat and everyone is looking for friends and so you just make them... But now.. when everyone has a friend group already.. how do you make friends, without seeming like a desperate loser? Do you ask someone to go out to eat? cause isnt that like a date? or ask if they'd like to get together sometimes? thats still like a date... or for their number? or do you google stalk them and find a reason to email them so you can build a "casual" friendship.. or at least try.. OR do you jsut be honest and say.. You know I am really looking to make some new friends and was wondering if you'd like to hang out?


I'd love your feedback on this one too! What approach would make you responsive, and not creeped out if someone you met wanted to be your friend?


b.enchanted said...

Yeah, it's definitely hard. I remember being super duper nervous the summer before 7th grade when we became friends. If it was scary then, the stakes are much higher now.
But, maybe you should take that same approach. Someone you know and see, start smiling. Say hi, ask how the weekend went. They'll probably say they did nothing, neither did you, segue into "next weekend we should go to lunch." Voila- new friend.
Just don't use that heiffer to replace me :)

identitycrisis said...

This is ironic. I've been telling b. that I want to be your friend because you're pretty cool. Don't be surprised if I pop up on your gchat one day but we're not in the same city so I guess that doesn't help much.

I like your last sentence. It seems simple and straightforward. If you know you want to be someone's friend, then you probably already have something in common. So you could ask if they'd like to do that specifically - read a book, go running, etc. I'm not much help because I'm pretty bad at making friends - I think I only have 2 here and I grew up here. I'm less social to begin with so I rarely actually get to a point where I like anyone but if someone were to ask me (and I hadn't already decided they were a weirdo) I'd be cool with getting together and hanging out. It may also be helpful to do a group outing or event so if you realize you don't really like each other it's not awkward.

BrownSugar said...

Great blog topic! I am one that people say has a ton of friends. My way of building them has been to always pursue my interest , and then to continue to cultivate relationships with those tha I truuly vibe or have a connection with. We bacame friends bacame off having similar interest, and I thought we vibed well, hence us keeping in touch. I think that the key is that it does take work to cultivate and build friendships, they aren't easy and automatic as they are when we are in school. You have to choose to work at friendships. You have to go to the networking events, happy hours, etc. to get to the point that you can get comfortable enough with a smaller set or crew that you begin to kick it with.

Florence Pittman said...

I am your friend and thats the boat I am in. Just can't seem to meet anyone I want to hang out with. Oh well! Wish you lived closer :*(

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