How Not to Play Yourself: Vol 1.

Hello Gentleman,

This is Spidey's first edition of How Not To Play Yourself. This edition will cover, How Not to Play Yourself...When Trying to Get the Digits.

1. Don't come over and spit game after you have worked up a sweat doing anything: Unless you have a body to die for and your shirt is off, and you don't stink OR smell like sweat, and you have minty fresh breath...or are otherwise Dead Sexy (think Morris Chestnut or Eric Dane).
Reason: We don't wanna touch anyone who is sweaty.. unless well... we got you sweaty.. and, it cannot possibly be your best foot forward if it reeks of b.o.

2. Introduce the single/in a relationship question early. Don't talk for 20 mins asking about our jobs and where we are from, what music we like, what we do during our free time.. and never give us the door to say.. "I got a boo." We don't want you to waste your time, but we also don't wanna seem like a bitch, interrupting your innocent convo by saying "Look, I'm not single."

3. Ask for the digits at a club/restaurant/social gathering that serves drink without offering to get us one. Okay, I feel you.. don't buy the chic a drink just got she got a fatty, but I mean really if you would like to get to know me then you can splurge that 8 bucks. You can.. and if not... then stop reading this blog RIGHT NOW and head directly to www.monster.com or www.careerbuilder.com and get crackin!!

4. Do NOT talk about all of the stuff you do/have/want. We don't care. I don't care about the degree or promotion you got, or the car you drive. Let that stuff speak for itself. I mean, Sir, I have a job too. I work. I went to college. none of this is foreign you need not explain to me the intricate details of what you want to do with your MBA because I can imagine business, and I ain't bit more interested in talking business at a social outing, than I am doing work when I am actually at work. Give it a rest. If we are meant to be then our common interests will come up and we can talk about travel, music, concerts, movies, tv, celebrities, books, hometowns,.. damn anything except you, because being impressed by you, my darling, cannot be all that we have in common. PS: Your car is not super impressive either cause it really makes me think you might be paying a 699 car note with a 24.9 APR in order to floss, instead of doing something productive with your cash.

5. If I give you one word answers, please move on. Please. If you ask my name and I just say my name and don't ask yours.. be rude and walk away cause if i Was interested in you, I would at least want to know what your mama named you. if I dont even want to know that much, I dont want to know ANYTHING else.. and I dont want to waste the energy exercising my cheeks and tongue to talk to you at all. So.. leave me alone and go find one of your boys.

Thanks you.

Stay tuned for How Not to Play Yourself Vol 2.. coming soon.

1 comment:

b.enchanted said...

LOL at the 24.9 % APR. Sad but totally true!

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