It started with the Huxtables

So the Cosby Show was supposed to be the show that showed us Negros as the professionals we are. No more "scrappin and surviving" like Good Times.. We made it. Claire was a lawyer, and Cliff a successful obstetrician. Yes!! Ivy League educated Sandra married Elvin, a Princeton Grad. Denise didn't finish Hillman but then went on to marry Martin, an officer in the Navy.

Alright, we know Sandra and Elvin decided to give up their professional dreams and open the Wilderness store, but that is entreprenuership at its finest. Of course, we also remember that Denise was finding herself and she skipped from job to job, never quite reaching Claire status, but as an officer's wife she was good. All in all, the black family was continuing, destined to maintain high socio-economic bliss.

As little black girls, the Cosby's gave us hope. We saw that this could be our story. I was no longer Penny, cowering under the threat of an iron, or Florida drivin that bus and still never having a dollar at the end of the week. Y

Then we hit Vanessa, who began dating Robert, and moved on to Dabnis. So Dabnis Brickey wasn't the degreed type, but he was a supervisor at the University and was able to set up a home for Vanessa's idealistic ass. Good job.

The Cosby Show was a glimpse into the middle class world of Af-Ams, showing all we could be, as we were striving to be seen as equals and were going to college in record numbers. They were the dream we were hoping to attain, and my friends and I did. All of my friends from high school have degrees; we work in all different industries, and I don't think any of us live with our parents or have outside kids. We are doing it big and living up to our parents' dreams of success.

But as educated black women, there is still a piece that many are missing and that is a man on our level. Claire Huxtable did it, Sandra did it, hell Denise and Vanessa married up. So we thought that we could and would do that too. We thought hell yeah, I'm going to go to Hillman and find a Dwayne (if you like the nerdy type) or a Ron (if you like the doing too much lame negro), get married, buy the house and pop out them babies.

But that dream is turning out to be a fantasy. Because my homies are dating trifling negroes who ain't doing much, and are shocked that we, as adults, read. The shame isn't that it's happening, the shame is that the signs were there in our Cosby Show fantasy, but we missed em. We didn't pay enough attention to the reality of Rudy and Stanley.

Rudith Huxtable is the daughter of professionals. She went to school and assumingly got good grades, because it was never an issue on the show. But as we reach the final seasons who is Rudy mated with? Stanley.

Stanley's ass didn't even know to read when Rudy starting liking him. She overlooked Bud, and went for that sexy man candy played by Merlin Santana (R.I.P.) She was never bothered that he couldn't sound out "Continental Congress" when working in the after school program with Theo. And Theo didn't even look out for his little sis, didn't say, "You know he is 14 and can't read. you might want to think about that, Rudy."

No, Stanley was at the house, kicking it with the fam. Cliff, who had his reservations about allll the men that his daughter brought home easily accepted Stanley into the fold. Despite him being 9 years behind Rudy on the learning to read curve.

So, we got the message too late. Instead of picking it up then, when it is staring us in front of our faces, we held on the pipe dream... and its only now we see that the majority of mates suited for us are illiterates alll growed up. So we better get with the program and accept that our future is gonna look a little less like Cliff and Claire and a lot more like Rudy and Stanley. And that's okay because there are GED classes available at all junior colleges. Stick with him through that and you are gold. after all.. it is our high standards that send even the Stanley's running to white women... they know how to stand by they man.

6 comments:

b.enchanted said...

I'm linking this to my blog. ASAP.

And yeah, it was cute then. But Stanley is now that dude that is the Customer Service mgr at Target, that thinks Olive Garden is a romantic dinner. What do you want your life to look like???

T said...

Yeah... no. I'm not going to be able to give up the dream of marrying up or even marrying equal ('cause I'm pretty damn fly myself). I'd be offended if someone who can't read thought they had a chance with me. I don't care how fine you are... I'm not dating a dummy. We've discussed my too-high high standards, but that's what they are and no amount of fine makes up for stupid. (Believe me, I learned this the hard way). And no amount of money makes up for infidelity and no number of degrees makes up for you ignoring me for your career.

I could go on and on, but I have some pretty straight forward deal breakers and I won't be settling in the near future.

ThummyB said...

This post started out strong, but I do have a few disagreements with the ending...the 1st being that Stanley was dyslexic, not lazy or stupid as the post seems to imply. In fact, Theo was as well (Remember when he was bring home Ds and wanting to drop out in the 1st season of the show? Theo went on to earn a Master's degree.), which is why he was Stanley's champion.

Now at this point fiction is begining to overtake reality, so it's probably best to let this comparison go. However, I must say that I don't see the Claire/Cliff relationship to be a pipe dream. Perhaps the Lawyer/Doctor pairing is a bit much (though, truth be told a lot of sisters aren't lawyers/laywer quality, yet stand by complaining that their doctor isn't rushing to sweep them off of their feet - step your game up), but when you look at the strength of the Claire/Cliff relationship it isn't really in their wealth. Hell Cliff was pretty frugal. It was in their devotion to one another, their belif in strong/united parenting, their commitment to education and excellence, etc. I think that plenty of Black women can have that w/o settling for a man that has to be coached through a GED program. I certainly wouldn't settle for fear of being left for a white woman.

Maybe I missed your sarcasm, but the pic that you painted was pretty bleak, and I just haven't found that to be reality at all.

T said...

...um okay.

anyway, i feel you, if one more of my super fly, fab, smart, intelligent, i'm-every-woman sisterfriends introduces me to some lame with no ambition and a 10th grade education, or, better yet, someone who barely got into college, only to drop out after a year, im gonna scream. we have to do better people.

T said...

OMG, there's more than one T. How can this be? Note the above post sounds like something I would say, but it's from T at Art.Beats.Life, not T at Tea & Such. Oh boy.

Spiderlgs said...

Hahaha B... you are reading my mind.

ThummyB. Clearly this is both sarcasm and hyperbole. I ain't never scared of no white girl. Dyslexia and learning disabilities aside, illiteracy at 14 isn't hot... and I don't see any of my friends giving a brother a break because he has a diagnosis. When that negro start slashing your tires or pushing you out of his moving vehicle, we don't say "hmmmm, he IS bipolar, i wonder if he's taken his medicine today." We just call that negro is crazy and keep it moving, unless you're Rihanna of course.

But personally, I ain't scared of no white girl or getting the short end of the stick. My boo has a degree. But while a man is working on his, I just want y'all to remember what you wont do, another (white) woman will and THEN he'll put a ring on it. HA

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