You Fakin Like Turkey Bacon

I found myself in love with my friends this weekend. No homo Karyn. I found myself in love with the beautiful black women that my friends have grown into. Like, we are sitting there in a room chillin with beautiful black ladies, from caramel to dark chocolate, from dreads to relaxers, remembering that we knew each other back when we used to eat bowls of fries in Red House and think that Ray J and Immature were the finest things walking. I was thinking about how far we have come.. and the best part is that we have come this far together. We tripped out all weekend with one another picking up the pieces like we just came from the Pulaski Day long weekend.. knowing that we got degrees, some of us trying to get that PhD but for real.. we will do the Tootsie Roll at the white club and be as familiar with the words of the 69 boys as we are with each other.

I love my friends. Why? Because I know I can call them and get things handled. I know I can put my credit card up and not worry about having to take niggas to Judge Mathis to pay for the room. because I know that I can watch my girl get married, standing in her all white.. and not be jealous cause I don't have a man, but be so happy that she has found her soulmate and she is beginning a beautiful journey. That we can pray in the back of the church and find ourselves crying and aint nothing happened yet because we know how special the love is that God has made for us. The sisterhood between black women is real. And I mean the sisterhood that exists where you know she won't steal your man or not put in money for the tax when you go out to eat. The sisterhood where you can humbly say... girl I'm struggling... and know that being vulnerable right now is only making you both stronger.

I know I must be blessed because I have the blessing of knowing so many fabulous women who enlighten me, challenge me, love me.. and pick me up from the ground when i fall down in my dress after fighting a 10 year old for the bouquet at the wedding... and that our sisterhood is so strong that they told me I was bogus for stealing flowers from a kid.

But that is not all I need. I wish I could say that this sisterhood makes me complete and that I am a strong black woman who has it all under control. True, I got a car, job, apartment, good credit, but that's not all I need. And yes I do need a man. I don't need a man like I need my vital organs, but I need him like I need my glasses. Yeah i can see without them.. but everything is just a little bit brighter and clearer when I have them. And I love Black men! I do. I do. And I'm looking for that unconditional potential cause playing around aint what I'm on anymore. And I just wish that some dudes out here were not faking like turkey bacon... Not saying that if we go out on a date I expect you to stick through to the long haul.. I mean if things don't work out, they don't work out. I just want dudes to be honorable. I don't want a dude to sell me dreams about ooh baby.. you are wifey material. You make me feel so good.. ooh I like you. Oh I wanna see you. Call me when you get in.. call me when you wake up.. When you gone be back in town? What you doing tonight.. You got company? Who? Oh it's like that... and then fake out and not return phone calls.. Is that asking too much?

Aight so you may decide I am not the one for you.. and that is fine, I'll be alright.. it aint like we got kids, and a mortgage together, but you could return a phone call.. Like I was just calling to say whats up.. not to ask for your hand in marriage darling. It really isnt that serious.. but you don't have to game me like I'm trying to sell you something.

You know how when you go in the store and the sales person takes time showing all the phones, their different features, how they are better than the other phone you have.. why you need to switch.. even looks up the deal that they can give you with the special manager's discount AND they will get the coupon from the paper for you and act like its not expired... but sometime in the middle of the sales pitch you think like.. you know what.. I don't need a new phone.. the rent is due and my homies are coming in town, I should just keep my money in my pocket for that... BUT you don't tell the salesperson that... nooo you continue to act interested.. asking a question here and there... and then you make up some reason to leave but promise to come back and get it... but you never return. I guess cause you don't wanna hurt their feelings and you feel bad for wasting their time... we've all been there... But the real deal is.. I'm not some random person in the store..never to be seen again.. Like there must be something in me that made us cool to begin with... and just honor that when you have your change of heart and be real. Stop faking. Stop gaming. Cause I'm not with it in 2006. And I hope i don't sound bitter because I am not. I love black men. Like I am in love with black men.. I am in love with black families and black children... and I know it all comes with sacrifice.. but I am a good woman and I deserve a good man who can see that some of his niggerish ways don't honor him or his intentions... But in the words of Joan Morgan... I am not dating a man's potential. I know a man will have flaws and I know that part of any good relationship is growing together. I also know that people who want to talk to you call. People who want to see you make plans before they get bored. and that nothing can be built on complacency.

I am strong enough to be vulnerable. I am ready to fall in love. I am open to that scared feeling when you aren't sure but are willing to risk because you know how good it can be in the end. I am ready to sit at the top of the hill of the rollercoaster, scared... full of doubt.. wondering what will come next. Thinking maybe they can turn this around... knowing how frightening it is on the fall... but keeping in mind that although, this new ride might disappoint, the adrenaline in the end will make it worth conquering my nerves. I am ready to really be me and to find someone who enjoys that about me. So if you fakin, I cannot be there with you on that tip. I cannot honor that. My mama taught me a long time ago that my looks wouldn't get me everywhere, and its time men learn that game might get you a couple hours of fun... but that game is not going to find you a wife and mother to your children... it will get you a wifey and a baby mama. So when you are talking about a future... then you can drop the game and put in work because we deserve each other and I will give it my all, because our real love is worth it.