Fathers and Mothers who serve as fathers...

I haven't celebrated Father's Day in 10 years, since my own father died. I have gotten cards for my uncles and my grandfather. That turned out to be a good idea because my uncle said that he never got a card from someone who wasn't his child and to get a card from us meant alot. That was the Father's Day before he passed away.

While Father's Day hasn't been a huge part of my life, I am intrigued the Father's Day Brunch for Fathers and Mothers who serve as fathers. Now, I know that there are a lot of single mothers out there who are the only parent that plays any role in their children's lives. I know that there are a lot of triflin men who know that they have children yet make the decision to have nothing to do with them. But I do not know if I feel like a mother can really serve as a father for kids.

My father was active in my life before he passed, and that relationship is very different from the role that my mother played before and since. She has been a wonderful supportive parent. She has given me the skills and confidence to accomplish my goals and all the TLC a child could want, but I don't think that she filled that role of father once my father passed away. I dont think anyone can be a father but a man.

How can you be both mother and father? Though I don't feel like I am at a huge disadvantage in life because I lacked my father as a adolescent, but I can admit that I don't understand the role that father's play in the lives of their daughters as they go from girl to woman. My relationship with my mother has changed so much in the last ten years, and I dont knowwhat kind of metamorphosis my relationship with my father could have had.

I can't imagine that it's doing a service to our community by saying that Mothers can serve as Fathers. So many kids will say, "I don't have a father." So many single mother's say, "I am his mother and his father" but that kinda states that life is alright without a father. That as mother's we can do it all alone. But that's not true. I want my children to have a father who is active and proud, who can balance the family. I want a father who teach my children how to do stuff I don't know how to do, whether it be sports, mechanics, working on cars..."guy" stuff.

If something happens, I don't think I can serve as a father and I know that i will have to bring men into my life who can serve as father figures to my children. Who can give them advice on how to be a man and take responsibility and how to be a woman and read through the bullshit that men come up with (ok. I guess I can have that discussion too.)

Either way I think that we are fooling ourselves by carrying on the delusion that mothers can be fathers to their children. and maybe that is what makes so many women get pregnant without any consideration of who the father might be just because they want a baby and then end up on maury or are just telling their children you dont have a father.

None of this is to judge single mothers or single fathers because I think that children can thrive in any family arrangement that is grounded in love and support. But i think a spade is still a spade.. and I dont want to even attempt to serve as a father. I just want to be a good mother, as my mother has done for me.

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